'I married into a very dysfunctional family'

Joe (65.127.223.98) -

Hello,

I have married into a very dysfunctional family. Unlike my childhood there are levels of abuse and utter disrespect in this family that go beyond anything that I have delt with. My wife and her brother came from a very abusive and neglectful way of life. My wife's mother married her first husband and had a son, my wife's older brother. That father was abusive and the marriage ultimately failed. She marred again and had her second child, my wife, to a man that was also very abusive. That marriage had faied as well and she is on her third husband. In general through out the entire family, there has been abuse, neglect, and just utter disrepsct for each other. All of it's members at one time or another have backstabbed each other and just in general have bee very rude to ech other. Telling lies, arguing or not speaking to each other for years at a time is normal in her family. My wife herself is often very disrespectful and rude to me. She has never been taught any other way. We have a child together and we have one child from my wifes previous relationship (my stepdaughter. I don't want them to know this kind of behavior. I seriously want out, but I want these children to be raised well. I know that in the case of my step-daughter I would have little or no access to her, to be an influence in her life and try to help her break this cycle. I still would like to be an infuence in her life. I will definitely be a positive influence in my blood daughter's life. I want her to grow up knowing that not all families fuction the way that my wife's does. I know how to do that. My wife and I went to one marriage counseling session together, but she has told me that she does not want go anymore. i have tried to encorage her to go to therapy to try to deal with some of this, but again she is not at all receptive to it. I am making my way out, I just want to know if there is anything I can do for my stepdaughter. While there is no abuse in our nuclear family, my wifes bitterness and wantingness to control will take it's toll on her. I don't want that. One of the things that I have read about these families is the continuance of dysfuction stems from never knowing what a normal famlily functions like. I want to break this cycle for my daughter and stepdaughter.

Comment #1 Michael (63.176.159.147) -

I guess the best thing for you to do would be to try and set a good example for them. Have a family meeting and discuss the topics that you have mentioned.

Comment #2 Wendy (63.176.159.87) -

Wow. You should just separate.

Comment #3 Abbey from London (Contact Member) -

Does anyone have a functional family?

Comment #4 Steven (63.176.159.184) -

Have you tried what Michael discussed? I would try that and if no change, then maybe the choice of splitting up.

Comment #5 Albert (63.176.159.2) -

Abbey is right. All families have their issues. Work through them.

Comment #6 Ken (63.176.159.186) -

Like the others said, every family has their ups and downs and their own little problems. Its normal.

Comment #7 Lee (63.176.159.151) -

No family out there is perfect and everyone does have their own issues and own problems. The best thing I would do would be to sit down and try and work things out, it is going to take time, effort, and love. If you believe it can be fixed than do what you can to fix it, and the other people have to be willing to pull their own weight also. If you do not think it will work, or can be fixed than you should seperate for the sake of your happiness and your families. Only you know whats best for you, and your happiness, so good luck.

Comment #8 Tanny (109.111.97.2) - Sat May 29 22:23:56 2010

Whew, I truly believe that it is hard to actually have a dysfunctional family. I have also a friend who is in the same situation and according to her it is very difficult situation she is into right now. I just wish that everything would be alright for her and also for her family whom I know she truly loves. Anyway, have a great day to all and share your stories here.

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