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Bipolar Spouse and Domestic Violence - Domestic Violence
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| Bipolar Spouse and Domestic ViolenceI am 33, I suffer from PTSD. I have been with my husband for almost 14 years, married for 10 and 3 children. I have been the victim of emotional, psycological and physical abuse for the entire time. I love my husband and I also hate my husband. He has recently been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. This help to explain a lot of things that occur in our lives. My question is: If he takes his meds and truley stablizes do you think the abuse will stop? I can't get help for myself until he either leaves or gets better. It is very scarey to live here most of the time and I personally get tired of protecting myself with numbness. I would appreciate your advice. |
| Is there no Dr. Doug at this site? I have been waiting for some sort of repy for months! |
| Hello Dee, You are very brave and do not ever deserve to be abused. Bipolar indviduals often suffer from very narcissitic (or self centered) behavior. However there are many people who have mental illness and do not abuse there partners. You are the expert on your situation. Remember it is okay to love your husband and relize he is not good for you. You deserve to be happy. Sometimes after years of abuse it is hard to live without the abuser because they fill up so much of our time we never ask, what do I want? Ask yourself that Dee, what do you want. You deserve to be happy. Misha Domestic Violence Advocate |
| Dee, Believe me you are not alone. I agree you are very brave. I understand your problem of loving your husband and hating what you are going through at the same time. I am still here but there is a line that can be crossed. The children's wellbeing and mental health are my #1 priority. My husband refuses any meds because they "can't be good for you". He didn't ask for this horrible illness but he needs to do his part and take meds - they do work and I've witnessed it. Many times I have been terrified, this isn't fair to our children and often in the summer when he is sick we must leave our home because the chaous is too much to bear. He also abuses alcohol. I feel the same frustration as you do because its like this situation of cycling will never end. |
| I should also add that I went back to school and this was the best thing I ever did. I started part time 2 yrs. ago and still have a couple more yrs. to go. My husband was VERY opposed to it but I never gave it to his insistance that I get "his" money back. The most important benefit is clear; self confidence. I believed that I was dumb, not I know I am not. |
| DEE, You ARE NOT ALONE! I went through the same thing, i also have three children to my now x-partner with bipolar!! I tried everything to help him but somewhere along the line after losing sight of myself as a person i realised that i am the most stable part of my childrens lives. NO ONE (whether or not bipolar is a factor) needs to accept or be subject to abuse of any kind. That sounds so easy to say "accept" but acceptance is the hardest part of being in an abusie situation. Unfortunatley some abusers (due to no fault of thier own) are subtle in their approach especially when then person who is abusing is not even aware or perceptive of what the consequence of their actions are!! Take an hour (time it) to think what it might be like to be a kid in the world yours sit in at the moment and it might give you the scope you need to make clealer decisions :) Don't forget to surround yourself in positive people... and recoginse the good job you have done so far. Best of best wishes |
| I too live with a Bipolar spouse and have for 5 years. I constantly question myself why I stay as the yelling, untrust, and violence are excessive. We do love our spouses and it is very hard to break away. Our children have a hard time dealing with it also. Sincerely |
| I am engaged to someone who yesterday was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. When I first met him he was on Prozac for depression but then his primary care doctor decided to take him off it. After about three months of being off the medication his personality changed completely. He began screaming at me all the time, throwing things across the house, and finally grabbing me by the head and hitting it into a car. This behavior would be followed by him acting as if nothing happened, being overly nice and happy. I had enough. I told him he either better get to a psychiatrist to find out what the heck was going on with him, and get back on some medication, or I was leaving. Yesterday he went to the psychiatrist and was told he is manic depressive/bipolar as a result of cocaine abuse when he was younger. He started prozac for the depression and another drug for the psychotic episodes that he has to take every day. He is due back to the psychiatrist in three weeks. I hope to God this helps him straighten out because we were together for a while before he originally went off the Prozac and started getting violent. He was a sweet, calm person who wouldn't hurt me in a million years. So I know this isn't who he is...a violent, out of control person. But I will give this medication it's chance to work. If it doesn't change him, if he doesn't change himself, I am out of her. |
|  Dee, You are not alone. I myself right now am going through the final stages of being seperated from my husband. I'm filing for divorce actually. We have no children together..we have been together for 13 years, but my children from a previous marriage lived with us until they could no longer stand it. Each one of them left when they were 15 and 16 years old. When I say I understand, believe me I do. I still love my husband very much, but he is venomous and cruel. I have never in my life had someone be so mean and nasty to me. No one can tell you what to do, but I found myself depressed and feeling awful.And after 13 years and feeling like I was losing it. I had to say enough My husband refuses meds and says they are for weak people. Which I have found that bipolar people are also very narcisitic and believe they have nothing wrong. I feel for you. It's not easy. You'll be in my prayers |
| My little sister is bipolar with ADHD.. what can i do to keep her out of trouble? |
| I tried to understand your situation but the only thing that keeps popping in my mind is "LEAVE THAT FREAK!". There is a limit to "love", you can't live all your life being abuse in every possible way. You love him, but does he loves you back? If he does then he should have made a brave move taking up medication, and taking up consultation and professional help. But what it looks like to me is that his ego is bigger than his love for you and your children. If he truly wants you back then let him treat himself first. Draw the line and stop the abuse! |
| What different types of medications do they offer for bipolar? |
| I also would like to know how to help with bipolar. |
| nobody needs that kind of treatment.. you should leave. |
| Can a bipolar person realize what they are doing and fix the problem? |
| Bipolar people like the highs at the expense of the lows. They have a choice to control the disease.. manage it but many times go with the selfishness. |
| Dee, i think it obvious what you should do, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP. You have suffered long enough, and you deserve to be happy and honestly you need to get your children out of that environment before its to late, and they think thats how a marriage/relationship should be, and they suffer from it the rest of their lives, I am sorry, but stop being selfish! |
| Why is it so hard to leave? My husband of 3 years has been emotionally, psychologically and verbally abusive to me for our entire short marriage. He is charming, super - intelligent, talented and VERY manipulative. He has blamed me for everything that has gone wrong in his life and accuses ME of being unstable, and having an anger management problem. He is right, I am angry...I am angry that this is happening in my relationship, and that he has been using cocaine for 3 years. Whenever he comes off the coke, he wants a divorce. I have supported him financially for 2 years, I have taken care of his every need, but he doesn't acknowlegde that I have. He tells me that I am abusive, when I get angry - our fights are horrible, and yet there is no admission of any wrong doing on his part at all. It is all blamed on me. Yes, I am angry, I feel cheated....my first husband was an abusive alcoholic with a cocaine addiction. My current husband knew what I went through with him....Literally the month after we got home from our honeymoon, my current husband started using cocaine weekly. I know he is bipolar, because he was diagnosed with it at 14, according to his mother, but he won't admit it. He has 4 other siblings who have been diagnosed with BP, and one of them committed suicide 20 years ago. I love him, but recently, he now treats me like a stranger. There is no feeling or love at all from him....please help....do I leave? Help..... |
| Leave while you can and before children if possible. My x is bipolar and has made my life most challenging. He is a jerk all the time, lies, cheats, now has a new wife only 25 and he is 46. She has never met me or our 2 children and he has lied to her making her think I withold the children from him. he douced himself in lighter fluid and light himself of fire because the voices told him to -- if we were home he would have done it to all of us! Run, run, run...... Only God can help people with this aweful illness it is beyond all our human understanding. The Dr.'s have been of no help to me actually they make it worse and don't want to see that he is really bad off. he knows how to play the game - run and get free if you can! |
| I too am just getting my son and I out of an abusive bipolar relationship. My son's health is improving slowly. The stress was so bad, he has complex post trauma and nightmares that his father is killing him and me. Protect your kids, they do not deserve to have a monster in their lives. And if someone chooses not to learn to stop abusing (mine says he wants to abuse) and chooses not to take the proper medications (mine lies and gets antidepressants so he can keep the manic high going) then you have no choice but to leave. And when you are finally safe, and feel safe (we are very vigilant about our safety we are still scared), you can finally start healing. But healing is alot like grief work. I too have been blamed by his family for his problems and have no emotional support to deal with it all. Just the way he wants it to keep controlling us. |
| I think it would be better if you leave your husband into the hands of experts. You have suffered a lot and it is time for you, your kids and as well as your husband to move forward. |
| Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” He or she uses fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and gain complete power over you. He or she may threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence. Hope we now know the big difference between domestic violence and just being a lunatic.. |
| I agree with Kira. Sometimes some people are pretending to be sick and just want all eyes to be in him. Say what if that person who claims to be bipolar is actually just want to get rid of you by doing bad or violent things upon you. What I am trying to say is make sure f your partner really is sick. Get help from professional and talk to him or her regarding your problem. Even if he is sick he is still old enough to understand the situation. |
| Bipolar personality Disorder is a very serious thing. It is destructive, "self" destructive, actual, and that´s where the the nutshell is. Bipolars are acting destructively due to an unconscious love/hate relationship with the world, with themselves. let´s hope it really chemical so that one day we can take a pill and get on with our lives. Cheers" |
| I still believe that bipolar disorder cannot stop one from being sensitive to each others feelings. I mean even if you are psychologically sick, id does not mean that you are already out of your mind or insane. So for those who suffer from this disease just try to see the brighter side of the situation, seek help and be sensitive to your partner, family an friends feelings and do not be narcisstic.. |
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