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sadly bi-polar - Bipolar Disorder
| sadly bi-polarI'm 31 yrs old and I have been diagnosed with bipolar when I was 23. For a few years I used the sickness as a reason for EVERYTHING wrong in my life. It explained alot about myself. The last couple years I've been in denial hoping it would go away so I could just live a normal happy life.. then my brain gets all these strange thoughts and I know I'm different somehow. My own mind drives me crazy. I've questioned my ability to parent my own daughters.. I now fear they will also have bipolar.. it's consumed my life. It has put me in danger. One thing I can say is I'm lucky by the grace of God I have a wonderful family who half-ass understands and loves me enough NOT to define me by this sickness. I wish there was a cure. There isn't. I've been angry that I have the brain that I do.. I would love for one day to experience life the way a "normal" person does.. what would that be like?? There are so many people in my life I've alienated, hurt, misunderstood, all for what? THIS BI-POLAR? I've read earlier posts concerning relationships and who in their RIGHT mind would want to be with someone bipolar?? I look pretty normal on the outside, have had great boyfriends, who I break up with in no time at all for fear of them breaking my heart or being players.. I get a thought in my head and there is simply no arguing it.. I'm not sure I even have the right medications. My life is so uncertain and now I worry my children's lives will be the ones to most negatively affected by my illness. |
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