Can't execute select tag from tags where forumid='doug' and status='ACT' order by date desc limit 10 Bipolar Disorder: Unsure if I'm BiPolar..relationship on the rocks
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'Unsure if I'm BiPolar..relationship on the rocks'



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    Unsure if I'm BiPolar..relationship on the rocks

    - Bipolar Disorder

    Forum Post

    E. Star

    Unsure if I'm BiPolar..relationship on the rocks

    I have been dealing w/ anger/depression as a once in a while thing. I moved from CA to WA one year ago to live w/ my boyfriend. (a big move.. no family or friends here). Things are going alright.. but unsure what's going one w/ me.

    I am extremely insecure. I go into phases where I think he is talking to another girl.. especially his ex wife, who is the mother of his 10 year child (he has full custody)... I feel envious that he can be social and have so much to say.. and as for me .. it's hard to talk to anyone.. my mind would go blank and/or I feel as if I'm boring them or they think I'm weird or something... I compare myself to his ex wife (who he was living w/ in the same house I'm living w/ now for 11 years).. and comparing that he loved her more then, than he loves me now.. That's part of my lack of self confidence. I think he doesn't understand what it's like to be me...

    that starts an argument.

    Another thing that's been happening is extreme guilt for putting him through all this.. for being mean to him.. when he's very good to me... and still puts up w/ it... 'cause he says we'll get through this and he knows the nice/good side of me... Guilt that swarms my head w/ horrible thoughts of why the hell was I even born in this world when I cause pain to those I love. Me, wanting to lay in bed all day and sleep.. hoping it'll go away... Fear that he has stopped loving me... and that I am no longer attractive to him. And that we're never going to have babies and get married 'cause I mess up so much. This is part of our arguments.

    What gets me is.. I start thinking way too much.. about little things.. I make it bigger and think that person is trying to hurt me... Our arguments and my anger has gotten so bad that I started throwing and breaking things... and I actually pushed him.. which is the last straw.. I don't ever wanna hurt him.... I hate thinking.. I hate knowing so much of his past... something he can't help and would like to get past.. I hate feeling depressed.. I hate feeling angry and jealous... and overall I hate feeling negative...

    We have had a discussion about our situation.. I don't wanna lose him and he doesn't wanna lose me... My question is... is this BiPolar disorder or some kind of mental disorder?? If so, I have no medical insurance, let alone no funds ... how do I go about getting a diagnosis?? And hopefully finding a way to better myself...??

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