'Relationships with Bi-Polar people'

Relationships with Bi-Polar people

Susan (65.203.69.58) -

I am currently in a relationship with a person who has bi-polar disorder. In the year that I have known this person I have seen his mood changes and he even ended up in a mental hospital about 2 months ago. After he left the hospital, against doctors orders, He went on a shopping spree and spent about 8,000 in a period of about 4 days. He has switched jobs about 4 times in the past 8 months. I really care for this person and when his bi-polar diorder is under control he is so creaitve, passionate, open-minded. At other times he thinks he is on top of the world and no one can prove them wrong. How serious is this illness and can people with bi-polar disorder maintain a job, and a relationship?

Comment #1 Dr. Doug (200.91.169.133) -

Hi Susan,

Bi-polar disorder is very treatable and a person can carry on a normal life with this illness as long as they take their medication. That is the major problem, during a manic cycle the bi-polar patient feels extremely well and often stops taking the medication and gets worse.

It is one of many reasons I became a psychologist, I have been a Bi-polar patient for over 20 years and carried out a full time practice as minister and psychologist. So get your man into a psychiatrist for an examination and encourage him in taking his meds. If he refuses to go or take his meds, you have two choices: 1) stay with him and deal with the roller coaster life-style or 2) leave him. If children are involved I recommend choice #2.

Dr. Doug

Comment #2 Kelly (152.160.137.10) -

Dr. Doug,

My husband was diagnosed as bi-polar and we lost him 4 and 1/2 years ago to suicide. My son is now 17 and after years of a close relationship, I have seen a drop in his grades and loss of interest in school. He has become defiant and at this time has left home. This is a young man I have never before encountered. His dream is to join the Marines as his father before him. My concern is how genetically disposed is he to bi-polar disorder and will this effect a military career? My son is a brilliant young man, but all of a sudden he is making some very strange and very disappointing decisions. How can I help him?

He asked me a couple of weeks ago "How much like Dad am I?" I answered without thinking...You look like him and sometimes you act like him, but you are your own person, an individual and unique. Could I have missed a cry for help?

Comment #3 Dr. Doug (200.91.169.133) -

Hi Kelly,

Welcome to my site. I know of no genetic predisposition for bi-polar disorder-you can't "catch" it not pass it on. However, it is not unusual to see the same mental illness more often in some families than in others. Most people with Bi-polar disorder are very intellegent and can lead very successful lives as long as they stay on their medication and usually in psychotherapy or counseling with a trained professional.

What you have described is the grieving processes your son is going through after the death of his father. I recommend that you get him into see a profesional so he can be tested and he can and should be treated for whatever the problem is. Bi-polar disorder is serious but unless it is proven he has it, I don't know any reason why it would prevent his service. You already know how serious it can be so having a mental health evaluation is a good idea-probably for both of you.

Warmest Regards,

Dr. Doug

Comment #4 Galen (63.227.127.7) -

To All;

My heart pours out to all who have this bi polar disorder, and my heart pours out to all who love and cherish someone with this disorder.

I am a white male, 45 years of age and I am not bi polar. And I really knew nothing about this disorder until about 4 years ago.

I fell in love with this beautiful, endearing, loving woman. And so did she with me. At first she hid her illness and as time went by the ups and downs, the irrational thinking, and her insecurities seemed odd. Into the 2nd year of our relationship she finally told me all about her illness. She is also dual diagnosed as a drug addict. Recovering therapy 2nd or 3rd time.

When Dr. Doug talks about a rollar coaster ride in life, he is right. I couldn't believe the most beautiful creature in the world I wanted to give my heart and my life to has this horrible illness.

Everyday, became seemed to be more of a struggle for us as time went on. I was so frustated because I wanted to just try and fix things. And I couldn't. I felt so helpless. The physical abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse, jealousy, insecurities, all became to much. After time the majority of them seemed to stop, yet they always seemed to pop out. Out of nowhere!!

I know she is trying everyday, and keeping up on her meds. A month ago we broke the relationship. She can't do it. Again, I feel so helpless. Yet, it is everyday reality for someone who has this illness. And I now it is a reality for me.

I will never forget and I am not saying it is not possible to have a long term relationship with a diagnosed bi polar. There are so many circumstances to each relationship.

I just wanted to share this with you because I understand and care about "MY LOVE" and others like myself that have experienced this or are going through the same thing.

Thank you for listening,

God Bless

Galen

Comment #5 Mary (67.168.116.210) -

I'm very concerned that my 16 yr old daughter may be bi-polar. She has always had outburst and been violent towards me. Now that she is older she does not seem to care whos around or what they see. She can be fine one minute and then freaking out the next. And she never seems to remember the stuff she does.I would like to get her help. but, not sure how to go about it. I have been told by several people I should get her checked.

Comment #6 Carl Brown (66.94.94.154) -

I have been dating a woman for 9 months and have seen her go through varying stages of highs and lows. All the signs of bipolar are present, irrational thinking, extreme insecurity, racing thoughts, spending sprees, impulsivity, sexual acts with strangers, and then the low points, you get the point. Well I finally felt confident in speaking to her about this. When I talked to her our evening had been wonderful. I spoke to her in a very calm and reassuring voice, being very empathic but her response was varied. She went from crying to denial, to I'll show you that you are wrong. I'm not crazy, I will get assessed and you will see, to literally breaking up with me the next day. We have since talked but she was extremely hurt that I said such horrible things to her. After a couple days she actually forgave me for the harsh things I said. Go figure, I feel like that was her reality yetI told her thank you for forgiving me. Right now she wants to be friends but still loves me and has a desire to spend time with me. Where do I go from here? Give her space, of course I will continue to support her even outside of our relationship. Continue to communicate as I read that Bipolars need assurance all the time. She sometimes says things to see my reaction. Is she playing games, does she feel undeserving etc.

Comment #7 penny Levy (71.32.22.53) -

I am married to an Internal Medicine Physician, We were married Nov. of 2000. My husband is is 55 years old, he was diagnoised bipolar in 2002. His father, brother, grandfather on his mothers side and uncle all died of sucide. In 2002, my husband was manic, then went into a depression I had to feed him bathe totally be at his side. Then in the next moment I am accused of having affairs. He was off of work for a year, then got on with IHS after a year his mania was mistaken for being producative he was made medical director of the facility. Within weeks he was put on administrative leave, now he is working in a remote area. He filed for a divorce in 2003, he hires attorneys and then never contacts them again, they withdraw from the case. He never would do all the paper work and never show up for court. Finally, this last attorney he hired, we did go to court, his bipolar disorder was brought out, the illogical thinking, money difficulties, the fact we had never seperated. The judge still has not ruled. I finally a year ago, left my husband stayed with relatives, for a few months just to get my head on straight. To set healthy boundaries with my husband has been impossiable. If you disagree, he writes you off and you are dead to him. No feeling. He has not spoken to his daughter for years and probably will never see her again.

I can see and feel his pain. I drove away from the house he stays on the reservation in May, I have not seen or talked to him since. He kissed me told me he loved me. I know he will never contact me. I have made the decision, if he does not take his medication as directed, and refuses any kind of counselling, I cannot just "be" ther for him, check out of life and quietly be at his side. If I continued to not live life and walk on egg shells, walk quietly behind him and clean up all the messes, then I would be just as sick as him. I will leave the door open, however I will work and live life.

When someone believes something so stronly that they can see it in their mind, would counselling help, or is just the way it is?

Comment #8 penny levy (71.32.22.53) -

Dear Dr. Doug:

I am married to a doctor who is also bipolar. He lost his practice. He then went to work for IHS was put on administrative leave during mania is now working in a remote are in Montana, on a reservation. I have two questions first of all there was a period of time in 2002 that my husband was physcotic delusional, there were times he drove done a busy street in the wrong lane and then there were weeks he did not get out of bed, to be standing in a room rocking back and forth hitting his head on the wall. (i believe that was the medication) during that time in my husbands mind he see me vividly having affairs, even though i was at his side every minute. If he took his medication properly and did received therapy would it help and how much. Will this ever come to pass? (his own physcriatist comitted suicide 11-25-05) that was not helpful. History: my husbands father, brother suicided. His grandfather on his mothers side suicided and also his uncle. What i experience with my husband is, he accuses me of the very things that he does. Very secretative, awful with money, not trustworthy. I have removed myself from the situation, I believe these are "his" issues it is not my place to convince him that i am faithful. He is currently on the reservation, and I live in our home in another town. In all of my husbands relationship, if you do not contact him, he will not contact you, i have not spoken to him since 5-14-06, his daughter and anyone who was ever close to him are all "dead" to him. If a person quits trying to measure up to him he just writes them off.

His future is bleak. "Could things turn around with counselling" pl

Comment #9 Joanna (69.159.50.146) -

Hello,

thanks for sharing your stories - it's difficult to read, but so reassuring to know I am not alone; My husband has bipolar and I am having a very diffult time coping with his moods. He is on medication, but not well-controlled; he has been without a job for several months and I am so tired of doing everything. My daughter is a happy little girl - I hide a lot from her because I want to preserve her emotional state and ensure she is brought up well and loved dearly. I on the otherhand, try hard to keep things going, but am realizing this is not the future I wish to continue with. I know love and destiny is cherished in a marriage, but one also needs to care for oneself and recognize there is more out there than the daily challenge of living with a bipolar. My advice, although for some may seem selfish is to end a relationship with a bipolar if you are constantly battling daily challenges - regardless of whether this illness is treatable, there are many factors that contribute to success, but just as many other factors contribute to failure. I want to take pride in loving life and enjoying it to the fullest with my daughter....not living the unpredictable and enduring the daily challenges - life is too short. Good luck to all of you

Comment #10 Marcitta from New Jersey, Unhappy -

Dr.Doug,

I would like to start off by saying thank you for creating this website. I am a 19 year old college student who is dealing with bi-polar disorder without medication. I am a very unhappy person. I made a big step from about 2 years ago when I was attempting suicide, throwing and breaking things, and hitting boyfriends with whom I was in relationships with. I have brief, turbulent relationships and most of my partners do not understand what is wrong with me so they pack up and leave me. Most of the day I spent writing books on love and how I want my love life to be but then I find myself getting upset and crying when I realize that my love life is the pits. My relationship with my family is not a very good one because I isolate myself from them and they always pick on me. Even the little ones. For the past 6 months or so I calmed down just a bit. I haven't attempted or hardly thought of suicide but if I get sexually intimate with someone I automatically think that I've fallen in love with them and the relationship goes downhill from there. I know that I can make it through this without being on medication because I've made slow progress. But I just need to go to some kind of support group so i'll know that I am not alone. I feel alone all the time. I cry because I feel like my world is coming to an end. I find myself lying and making up things just to get people to feel bad for me. I really need someone's help. I am going to school to become a psychiatrist but how can I understand someone if I don't understand myself? I will check it every morning. Dr. Doug please help me so I don't destroy my life at an early stage. Before I go there's one more thing I forgot to mention, I have abused acohol since the age of 16 and I have a tabacco addiction...A heavy one. I smoke at least one pack of newports a day. I just want to know what can I do because right now I have no health insurance to see anyone. Please doctor help me. This is a cry for help.

Comment #11 Joseph Vulich (24.29.9.90) -

I recently locked myself in a hotel rm. wanting to kill myself.

I just got a new job, and they're starting to realize i have a bad stress factor, "bi-polar", I have alot of financial issues, as well as other things, Is going to a depression chat rm. helping me? I feel worthless, but really brilliant at the same time...artist, musician, poet, and a very out-goin' person!!

I miss my wife, and son!! "tears", TY, Dr.

Comment #12 Natalie from Seattle -

Hi,

For 3 years I was involved with a man diagnosed with a rare kind of bipolar disorder. His moods could change very quickly and he could become violent with no provocation. Out of the blue he would start stomping around the house cursing, screaming and throwing things. We had a child together two years ago. On more than one occasion his violent outburst put the childs safety at risk. Sometimes his rage was directed at the child and he would verbally assault her. I finally had to get a restraining order against him. The judge ruled against giving him any visitation rights given the circumstances. He is currently trying to appeal the judges decision. I wonder if I am being too harsh not allowing him to see his child. I can't get over the images of those moments of violence and his complete disregard for our childs well being. He went to a mental health clinic and was given medication. He refused to take his medication as prescribed and took five times the prescribed dose. He started trading meds with a friend also recieving treatment at mental health. His violence became so intense it terrified me. I find myself in an impossible position. I cared deeply for this man but at the same time feel the well being of my child must come first.

Comment #13 GloriaC from New York -

Hi my name is Gloria and my mother has been diagnosed Bi- polor manic depressive for over 20 years bow. She has had numerous mental breakdowns. My father gave up his career and schooling in order to take care of her and us kids. I guess I could say it has been hell but understanding it has made it easer to cope with it. It's definantly a journey but a worthwile one! To all those who have loved ones who have been recently diagnosed hang in there it takes time but with medication and theripy the ilness can be more manageble for everyone involved. My hope and prayers goes out to all of you!

Comment #14 Bee (76.208.158.129) -

Hi Doctor,

It is my first time to visit your website. I marriage with a guy that have mood change very often and kind of introvert personality. About last year, we got married and we were a very happy married couple. Then two months after that my husband told me that he was not ready to be marriage. He was depressed a lot, mood change all the time, up set, sad, ...etc Until one day, he took out to see other woman in Thailabd. He told me that marriage is like a cage and he can not be himself or have a freedom. He told me that he was himself when he met someone else, not his family. Then after that he broke up with that girl, return to me and told me that he was happy in our marriage and want to be a better husband. He does improve over time, happy and working hard for family. Three weeks ago, he met someone else and having an affair in our marriage again for the same reasons that he was happy with her.

I need your opinion about my husband. Is he bi polar disorder? and in which stage? I decided to walk away from his life because what he had done, it is too much. But I was concern about him because he is going to Iraq in 3 months. If he is bi polar disorder, I am afraid that he might do something unexpect over there.

Thank you veyr much.

Comment #15 Dan Banker (75.69.99.241) -

I'm 21 and I have been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder when I was 16. It feels more like a disease, but anyway i've been taking my meds for about 5 years straight and my life seems more stable, but sadly i know my life will never be normal no matter how often dr's and people tell me. I just have to take things one step at a time. The only problem is I really can't be myself around others because I seem over the top, like happy go lucky all the time. I don't know whether its because of my age or because of my illness, but it is really a drag when it comes to my personal life because i'm single and I have few to no friends.

Comment #16 Me (192.195.66.44) -

I am in a relationship with some one bipolar and let me tell you I am starting to despise this person. No matter what I do its not good enough. She use to be with people who used her, abused her and everything over the sun. Now all of a sudden she is with me she doesn't want me to have any friends, I can't get a phone call and she even has the nerves to say that I am cheating on her. I am 28yrs old and she is 22 about to be 23 in the next few days. I am a radio producer and I can't even take a ing phone call because she wants to know who it is. When i tell her who it is she still makes an issue out of it. She was with people who used drugs, drink, party...you name it they did it. Now since she is with me she doesn't have any friends and doesn't want me to have any. At one point she tried to say I was keeping her from meeting my friends and hiding something. So I introduced her to my friends and about a week or two later; the bitch had something to say about them. No matter what she always has something to say. I go out of my way for her and its not good enough. I get things free from my job such as tickets to concerts, movies etc. If someone is coming to our home town concert wise, that she likes I get her the tickets or get tickets to advance movie screenings. She is not satisfied with me doing that. she makes light of me getting things free as if the thought, time and consideration doesn't mean a damn thing to her. I have always said I wanted a future with her but it is getting to the point I don't see a future with her. I am trying to better myself and do things that can not only help me but us and all she does is come up with insane bull things to argue about. She will blow up about the smallest thing and run with it for days. Mean while I have to say hey call the people at the university so you can register for college. When i first started dating her she said no one will help her with college. I not only paid for two semsters of college and her books but I recently got her into a program that will pay for her whole four years in college. I have to tell her to call her cousonler and register for school or make a doctors appointment or the million other thats that have importance. She can never do anything that is positive. When it comes to doing something that is benificial and positive she can't and won't do it. She will make every excuse in the world. Yet when it comes to blowing up about something that isn't even worth it, she is good to go. I honestly can say doctors are not doing her any good and its not them its her. She never tells the docotr whats wrong or take the medication he perscribes her and its like how can you be helped if you don't help yourself. I can also say I ing hate her family because they allow her to be this way. They cater to her and walk around on eggshells around her. They never say look get help or get out...Instead they sit there and say well she is just being her and they go back to there semi charmed lives. Bull ! This is what I mean, a few weeks ago her mother cooked dinner and told us to come down stairs and eat. We go down there and her mother is a nurse and makes a joke about getting a skimmpy nurse outfit..Her mom laughed, i laughed and she was all frowned up. Her mom keeps joking and i laughed because it wasn't funny but because I was uncomfortable. After dinner we go up stairs she blows up at me over something her mom said. Then told me to leave and don't come back. I leave and her mom said why am I leaving and I told her what happened. Her mom said I am sorry I will take you home because I feel it is my fault. Her mom went back in the house to get her keys and my girlfriend told her mom no and mind your damn business. Her mom came back out and said she told me not to take you home. I am looking like no one around thinks something is wrong with that whole thing. They cater to that . I am sick of all of them and my girlfriend has her good moments but you know what they are far and few. I am just sick of the bull. I am trying to move forward and she is just flat line and content with no growth. Mean while trying to sabotage me and everything I am trying to do. I know that this is not going to get any better. Its going to get worse, because she doesn't help her-self nor does her family help her or even intervene in the sense to force her to get help. I can't spend the next 40 years of my life wondering what in the hell will she think if i do this or what will she think if i have a friend. Its funny she is so against now having friends and me having them but she wants to go away to college. I told her, I said wow it sure will be hard down there since you don't like people. She said yeah I know. I said you are going to need a friend. She said yeah you are right, I know i will make friends down there. Mind you she is against having friends. How insane is that? It makes no sense. I can't understand this logic nor am i going to try to...But I want to do know is this normal behavior with these type of people? and how can anyone deal with this?

Comment #17 Dee in Idaho (76.27.32.213) -

I have been married for 28 years to a man with bi-polar disorder. I did not know this when I met, married him. He seemed upbeat, smart, outgoing, confident. But he seemed to jump from one thing to the next. When he was 35 he had his first episodes to where he was hospitalized for a total of 9 days. This was because he had become delusional and the drs. told me it was bi polar. I did not know what this was. I had 3 kids and one on the way. I just know he sulked alot, got angry over things when they did not go his way and he held grudges, esp. against me, constantly.

AFter he exited the hospital, he was was on meds for awhile but because he said they made him feel weird, he was off them in 3 months.

He has never lost his job which he has had with a church organiziation now for 28 years, but he has had alot of patience shown to him there, I know.

I had my tubes tied when our 4th was 4 years old becuase of his ongoing mental instability and it was making me nuts. He became incredibly angry at me for that and has belittled me for 13 years straight--saying I was no good now that I could not have any more kids.

Recently, for medical reasons, I had a hysterectomy and kept it from him. He found out and the hostility has increased to where I do not think I can live with him any more. This duress has really affected our now young adults kids and their relationships as he treats me like a live in housekeeper, always justifying his coldness (we have not had sex in 9 years)due to my "unworthiness".

He can be wonderful, but now he is extremely secretive, spends agreat deal of money, has taken my name off everything. Neighbors think he is great! 2 faced. Charming outside home, angry, moody, withdrawn, opinionated, denigrating to me. He is pretty upbeat with our kids, but they know how he treats me. They are so loving to me, but I stay nuetral and never denegrate their dad. He denegrates me openly to them, if the opportunity arises. Again, all of this because, he says, I cannot bear any more childrren. I am now in my mid 50's.

Comment #18 margarita garcia (68.198.236.73) -

I can't believe I am reading all this ! I've lived all of this and more ! I started dating a 43 yr old bipolar man. The relationship lasted 4 months. A terrible one may I add. He would call me every demeaning word in the book, assaulted me, harrassed me, has stolen practically every valuable I've ever carried in my purse. His paranoia and insecurities were waaaay out of line. He would always think I was cheating on him or slandering him with my family and friends. Everytime he decided to go drinking I knew I was in for a major flip. Many times he'd lose it and start driving at over 90 miles an hour on an inroad. While driving, he even hit an innocent pedestrian ... throwing him approximately 30-40 feet in the air. As I screamed and kept explaining to him what he had done, all he could say was: "stop exaggerating... the dude is ok." I really knew I was dealing with some souless person. He had no regard for his life or anybody else's. Every encounter he had with the police, he'd want me to lie for him and always have the blame put on someone else to clear himself. He would threaten that if I didn't do so he would have "his brothers" (all of which are cops) to bring up false charges on me. Every time he was faced with some problem that brought in police attention, he'd immediately tell the cops about his brother's being cops and they'd either give him a warning or let him go. He even got to the point of saying that he was a retired police officer at the same precinct where 2 of his brother's worked. After investigating this through the internal affairs unit, I found out that only 2 of his brother's were cops there and they had no knowledge of that person I was inquiring about. Again, more lies. It's just so sickening how the law "protects" the "true victims." This is a man that's a danger to others. He refuses to take his medication and drinks alcohol (while driving may i add) and yet the police cannot pick up on any of this even after the victims let them know "the real deal." Our officials need to become more aware of this illness as it not only puts them at risk... it puts all of humanity at risk. Any feedback is greatly appreciated.

Comment #19 jennifer (66.31.168.85) -

How can I seriously suggest a doctor/medication to my boyfriend. Whenever I bring it up he litterally gets so angry and ignores me. He is soooo bi polar. I see the change right in him--although he has more of the up lifting craziness then the depression for sure. He thinks he is all that, and that I am doing everything wrong... Accusation after accusation. Let me add, I am working 40 hours a week full time and just picked up a secound job 5 nights a week (I am cheating, flirting, sneaking around doing things he dont know about) He doesnt have a job-collects ssi, does whatever he does all day, and Im doing something wrong?? He has also had drug/drinking problems in the past. Whenever I know that he even picks up one beer, I cant be around. I dont know what the night is going to have in store... Its like a totally different person. Its been almost 2 years since we have been back together, Ive known him for 20, we dated as teens. Im sooo at a loss with this relationship.. I never know what to expect and why.....and I feel totally stuck.. If I ever left him (ive been his savior from drugs/crime, etc) he would either be back in jail or dead. Seriously... I love him but Im also stuck.

Comment #20 Jennifer (65.206.119.147) -

I have been in a relationship with a bipolar man for about 4 years now. It wasn't until about 2 years ago that I asked him to go to the doctor and he was diagnoised with bipolar. For years I have thought that his money problems, job losses, etc were just bad luck, but in reality 90% of it has to do with him being bipolar. One minute he is the most wonderful man in the world, my best friend, and so much more, but then there are those days or weeks when he is needy, knocks me, is jealous of myself and everything I do, talks a mile a minute and is very controlling and basically verbally abusive towards me. I have given him well over $20, 000.00 in the past year to help him with bills, car payments, vacations, etc, and yet he still makes me feel as if he doesn't owe me anything. I admit I do love him in many ways, but I know deep in my heart I need to break this relationship off for good. I feel for bipolar people, I know they did not ask to have this disorder, but even someone as strong as myself eventually gets broken down and it becomes a choice between your own mental sanity, personal life, financial well-being, or the bipolar person. The crazy thing is that bipolar relationships are hard to rid yourself of, I pray daily that I will have the strength to remove myself from someone that I love so dearly, and who I will miss from having in my life, and I hate that it has to be that way, but I don't think there are any other options, the rollercoast has to stop eventually and I don't want to be the one who gets shoved off.

Comment #21 melancholiyaMOE (74.107.225.150) -

im a bipolar male. and i dont know wat else to say really........

i bear witness there is no deity who deserves to be worshiped other than allah. heaven is forever. this life is temporary. lets us pray we enter paradise. god willing*

AMEEN.

Comment #22 Michonne (142.131.184.99) -

Reading these comments do give me an understanding what others think about a person that has Bipolar. Both my boyfriend and I have bipolar. Meeting him three years ago was the best thing that has happened to me. We have discussed about getting married in the future and having kids later down the road. We both are creative, outgoing, athletic, full of life with lots of energy and always staying busy. The only concerns we have in the future is when we plan the pregnancy. I was told by my doctor themedication will need to change. I have been on the same medicne for over 4 years. Not only my my kids have a chance to have biploar, but I am concerned about my mental stability when I do eventually become pregnant. By taking my medication, having a counselor during the pregnany and staying on a good diet, not overloading a busy schedule and getting enough rest should be just fine.

We both were diagnosed before we were 18. Both of us has had a history of drugs and alcohol, then later diagnosed at a young age. Having a relationship with someone who has bipolar is just as normal as any other relationship. There will always be ups and downs. Never will we blame the illness when we have problems, when we have our "off days". With God in the center of our relationship, trusting him and doing what is right by taking the medication.... everything we do is normal, just like any other ordinary couple EXCEPT we learn from each other and understand why we feel the way we do.... Sometimes we could be in a mania stage, feeling irritable, depressed, feeling angry or distracted, racing thoughts, insecurities, having anxiety or just not focusing, we understand how to encourage one another, we are both honest with our feelings and we are supportive because both of our parents do not have this illness. Feeling loved by someone who understands this illness and treating me just like anyone else is awesome. I have been taking the same medication for many years and feel great! If you do what is healthy for yourself, exercizing (I participate in half marathons and small 5K road races), a healthy diet, getting enough rest and living a balanced life, this illness can not take over you. In the past I did have a hard time getting adjusted to the medication when I was first diagnosed, just as any other teenager, they have there troubled times adjusting as well as speaking to different counselors. I gained 60 pounds and it took a couple years to finally get the perfect medication to keep me stable. During the first few years of being diagnosed, it was very hard to concentrate in school, waking up because the medicine was so strong, or trying to adjust to the different medince at that time. Eventually with many prayers from family, I am now doing well and loving life!

I am currently in school full time, working full time and going to school to become a personal trainer and massage therapist for sports medicine. Having this illness is just like someone having diabetes, to beware of the situations you put yourself in, as for a diabetic they watch there food, etc. and a person with bipolar has 3 month checks on there stablity, if the medication is helping them stay focused with a balanced lifestyle. So..having a relationship with someone that has bipolar is very loving, exciting, basically an adventure.

Comment #23 mel (169.241.28.75) -

I was involved with a man who was diagnosed as being bipolar for 4 years off and on. It was a roller coaster ride the entire 4 years. He would often ask me to marry him and we even got engaged a few years ago. Since then he has cheated numerous times, called me awful names and has verbally abused me in public, accused me of cheating. I finally told him this last time we were together that if he left again I was done. He left and asked if he could come back a few days later. Thank goodness I said no because now he's married to one of the women I caught him cheating with. He asked me and her to marry him on the same day, actually within minutes of each other. I cared for him, loved him, and did so much for him. He even asked me to co-sign for him to get a vehicle and get a cell phone for him and be the licensed driver on his insurance policy for his vehicle. Thank goodness I told him no because he is with someone else now. He told me a few weeks ago that he "felt he was making a mistake marrying her." He said she drinks too much and gets drunk a lot and that I was more mature and had more to show for my money. Duh. I don't go on spending sprees or spend a lot of money on alcohol. Anyway, I'm thankful to be off of his roller coaster ride and wish them both the best of luck. I know there are healthy men out there. I just hope he stays on his meds since I took him to the clinic to start on the meds the last time he was here. They said he also needed to attend anger management classes because he's also physically abusive. This other woman told me he's been abusive to her in many ways too and that she has feared being around him and has gone to stay with her mom when she's afraid to be around him. But now that he's on his meds I hope he will be a good husband to her and her a good wife to him.

Comment #24 maria (65.35.213.10) -

i have been in a relationship for 3 years with a man who i am sure has bipolar disorder. i don't have any doubts about this because i can recognize all the signs and behaviors of someone with this disorder being that my sister is bipolar. he also told me that towards the end of his marriage that a marriage counselor diagnosed him as bipolar and having anger management issues. he never sought help for these problems and his ex wife ended up cheating on him and took their son and left him for good after 9 years of marriage. he constantly criticizes me, yells uncontrollably at me, accuses me of cheating, is extremely paranoid, goes through bouts of depression the last week of every month, has a short fuse, ideas of grandiose, talks excessively about himself and work, is confrontational with customers of his, co workers, and employers, is unreliable, and when he is stressed out he drinks, naps, and isolates himself as a way to escape his inner turmoil.

he loves me and deep down inside is a good person. he will constantly throw me out of his house for no reason and if i don't leave as soon as he tells me to he starts throwing things and has anxiety attacks. i can't deal with being thrown out at all hours of the night, because it is unsafe for me to get in my car upset, tired, and drive in that condition. just a couple of days ago he woke up at 3:30 am and started demanding that i wake up, get dressed and go home, that i am no longer welcome over. he constantly breaks up with me, but after a week or so when his mania passes he is sweet, and would do anything in the world for me. this isn't the first time he has done this to me but in my mind it is the last. i can't take it anymore, can't talk to him, and know he will not get help. his behavior has put me at my breaking point and is literally taking the life out of me. i leave his house feeling horrible, and i have tried living with him 2x but as long as he stays this way i see my future with him a turbulent and scary. i love him dearly but know that it will never work if he doesn't seek help.

i am so confused and i know will miss him dearly if i leave his life for good.

any advice?

Comment #25 ashley (70.196.185.155) -

Wow. These stories have really touched me. My current boyfriend is Bi-Polar and I love him dearly. He is very emotional and requires a lot of love and attention. Sometimes it is hard because I have to give all the time. Even when I’m the one sad and hurting. I feel like I have to deny myself in order to make sure he is okay. That's only when he's manic. When he's okay, he's the best boyfriend in the world. He's smart, funny, loving, and he gives me every desire of my heart. The consent high and lows are very hard, however he can be violent too. If he's not throwing and banging things around; he's hitting me. Once he realizes what he's done he gets very depressed and wants to hurt himself. This is what I mean by denying myself. I have to forget about the domestic violence and worry about if he is going to hurt himself. Then the next day, he is the most loving and caring man in the world. I love him so much and I would hate to lose him or even worse have him lose himself. I fear that his life, career, and peace of mind will go down the drain if he doesn't get any help. I fear we could never have a future. We both want kids, but do I want my kids to see these episodes? He has been taking his medicine for a few weeks and so far he has been okay. We are supposed to be looking into counseling and other alternative. I just don't know if I can handle the mental, physically, and emotional abuse/roller coaster until then. I don't even know if he will continue with the meds, because he always has an excuse on why he shouldn't take them. I believe he is in denial. I know he's a good person and I know he loves me, but is all of this really worth it? Even if I do leave him, I could never live with knowing he hasn't gotten better. Whether we are together or not I really want him to get help. Dr. can you please help me to help him.

Comment #26 mia (81.155.191.195) -

My fiance is bipolar. We have known each other a few years and been in a relationship for the second time for nearly a year this time, and have for most of this time been living together. I just really wish I knew how to cope with his bipolar and could stop taking it so personally. He is perfect from the outset - he has a good job, he has big ideas and thrives on achievement so it isn't as if it hinders him in this respect - it is I think more a drain on me than it is on him at times. I used to have some issues when I was younger and we were together but in the three years we weren't together I pretty much got better and by the time we got back together again I was very good at coping with difficult aspects of my life and had good self-confidence. Since being back with him I am finding myself with less faith in myself and less belief in the things I do. He is a couple of years older than me and is very successful considering he never finished college. He has achieved a lot whereas I am still at university and a lot of the time I feel as though I should be doing bigger and better things with my life to be good enough to be with him. He even says he hates the fact that I am a student and wishes we could break up until I finish uni but that isn't possible because that way we would already have more "past" to add to the "pasts" we both have in between the times we have been together (seeing other people, experiences without each other etc). I have always been happy with the pace of my life and the way things turn out - I am not hugely ambitious I just want to be happy and successful to a degree that I deem to be acceptable for myself - but I don't feel as though he supports me in terms of my hopes and dreams etc, and is in fact quite selfish because all he ever thinks about is what makes him happy. This coupled with the fact that every so often he makes me hysterical because of his actions makes our relationship very rocky, and makes me feel constantly confused as to whether he wants to be with me or not. Every so often he says he wants to break up with me, and I never have the slightest clue that anything is even wrong. He uses the reason that he is not productive enough when I am around and I am basically stopping him from achieving things, amongst others, and generally ignores anything positive about our relationship. The other problem is that he hates being out in public as a rule - he gets a headache if he is around people for too long and then argues with me and is nasty to me - speaks to me as though he doesn't respect me and tries to make out that I am wrong in anything I suggest or say to try and soothe him. It is really hard. Just wondered if anyone else has this problem of being really drained by their other half's bipolar and if anyone has any suggestions as to what to do to cope, because I have no idea, and it is ruining me and probably our relationship. It makes me so emotional and I know this isn't helping him, but I just feel as though if I am as hard-faced as him when it comes to dealing with our relationship, we would just end when the fact is that we have a lot going for us. I love him and don't want to break up, but I can see that maybe it would be better for me if I didn't have to cope with his moods. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to deal with this kind of bipolar person and in turn themselves when affected by them? Thanks.

Comment #27 BK (75.80.75.66) -

Let me start off by saying that I too can relate to a lot of your stories. I was once in love with a bipolar woman. I did every thing in my power to try and cope with, protect and comfort her, maybe to the point of enabling her mostly because I did not know a whole lot about bipolar. In the beginning she was a sweet and charming girl new to my state and the area in which I live. I found this very brave and courageous and I was attracted to her. Our relationship lasted for six months, three good three bad. The first three she was taking her medications, mood stabilizers and such. She was kind of spacey at times but a wonderful girl .The second three she decided she didn’t need to take them any more. It took about one, maybe two weeks and I didn’t even know who this girl was any more. Furthermore she started drinking alcohol. WHAT A NIGHTMARE. She has now become a train wreck, Delusional, Psychosis, Paranoia, I am supposedly the CIA agent she thinks is sent to kill her, go figure. She has long disowned her family and friends and lives off of Social Security Benefits. She goes about two three days and will call me to come over. I still have feelings for this girl but her outrageous actions are tearing me apart. I know the answer is MEDICATION, MEDICATION, MEDICATION

Comment #28 Lori from Michigan -

My son was diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder 4 years ago. He is now 25. We have gone through so much with him. Back in May he was in a severe motorcycle accident and the doctors only gave him 3 days to live. With all the prayers Thank GOD he is still with us today.

Last week he went through a really bad violent episode and my husband had him arrested for domestic violence. He has been on his meds but they don't seem to be working as good as they were prior to the accident. The court ordered him to be re-evaluated and possibly hospitalized.

About a year ago he was charged with spousal abuse against his ex-fiance. The attorney didn't want to use his mental disorder because then it would have been on his permenant record. They have him on probation for a year and if he were to stay out of trouble the charges wouldn't have stayed on his record.

My son has been through alot this year and I am hoping that with the new evaluation and adjusting his medication he will be getting his life back on track.

I also want to say thank you for having this site...its helping me deal with my family situation seeing that I am not alone.

Thanks

Comment #29 Jon B (64.12.116.138) -

Hello, I am married 15 years to a Bi-Polar wife, who was diagnosed back in 2002 after a major surgery. I have to say the symptons of bi-polar became progressively worse over time(ie...irrational mood swings, self medication(booze), and embarrassing behavior). I have stayed in the relationship too long, her quitting of jobs, financial problems, neglecting of our two children and sleeping all day.

If you wanna survive do as I am, cutting her loose.

Comment #30 michelle (66.191.7.153) -

Ok, after reading this I feel doomed to walk the earth alone! I am a 36 year old woman diagnosed 2 years ago. Unfortunately, it was thanks to a dui and pending divorce counseling. I lost the man I loved more than my own life due to this illness. By the time I was on the right medication, he would have nothing to do with me. I cry every day because I so wish he could see me now. I am active, outgoing, secure with myself, and have relaxed about the little things that used to bother me. I believe we would have a completely different relationship now, but he says I have hurt him beyond repair. I was hopeful that someday I could have a normal, healthy, loving relationship. All I've read here is how bad someone like me is for a family. Does it never get good enough? Will I never get that life back again, only better?

Comment #31 jazzmin (172.162.171.168) -

I'm so glad to find this site and get some help. I have been dating a guy with bipolar disorder for about a year. He told me he was bipolar but I did not believe him at first because he was so charming and we always have a good time and we never argue, fuss, or fight but when he gets in his manic episodes, it is so painful.

He will just suddenly break up with me with no warning and he has done this twice since we have dated and the episodes usually last for about a month each. He tells me that he no longer wants a relationship with me and that he does not deserve me but yet he tells me he is so happy with me. Sometimes before the episodes really hit he will be very reclusive and we will go out and have a good time but he may end the date early or just wake up in the middle of the night and leave.

Later after the month is over he will call me and want to spend time together like nothing ever happened and we go back to being so happy but I fear that this is going to keep happening because he told me that he has done this in relationships before. He says that when he gets down he does not want to be around people and he just has to spend time getting himself together. He also can be hostile when he's manic and hang up on me and behave very arrogantly which is totally opposite of him other wise. My friends are no help and simply tell me that he is probably cheating on me during the months we are apart.

It puzzles me because he refuses to seek help and he hates taking any medication so he self medicates with alcohol and etc. I love him so much that I'm willing to be there with him through this but he says I will get tired of it soon. I love him dearly but I am so scared of how bad this may get. Do you have any suggestions for me and does this sound like bi-polar disorder?

Comment #32 someone (76.89.255.60) -

I dated my bipolar neighbor for a short period. I really liked him, but began to see that his behavior was erratic and unpredictable. First of all, when I first met him

he started telling me he was having some kind of emotional affair with a married coworker and that she was bugging him at work. When he told me that I told him that we shouldn't date while this was going on, then he convinced me that he didn't want to pass up an opportunity to get to know me, and that I seemed nice. I gave in,

and began to like spending time with him. We would end up spooning on his couch, and it seemed sweet an innocent. I really did like him, but was gaurded because of some of the things he was telling me. One night we made dinner at his place, and his friend came over and we all seemed to have a good time, then his friend left and he started grilling me about the fact that he thought I wasn't as interested in world events as I should be, then that he wondered if I was passionate about anything at all. I left feeling really bad about myself and very confused about having a good time, and then having it turn sour in such a short period of time. The incidents that lead to me finnaly having to say let's stay away from eachother just got worse. We were in the kitchen cooking and he got a new kitchen knife and he was playing around and ended up cutting my arm slightly, so it bleed, then when I got upset he cut his arm too, then tried to rub his arm against mine to be blood brothers. I pulled my arm away and told him that I didn't know him well enough to do that and that we're living in a time where people are dying of aids. He told me that I was rediculous. I left again upset and feeling like an idiot who worries too much about stuff. I started to get really depressed, and he told me that all of his friends thought I was depressed and that I obviously had a problem. I have struggled with depression and lonliness, but I have to say things got worse for me when I started hanging out with him. He also pushed me while rollerskating for the first time in a long time. I had such pain in my lower back I almost went to the doctor, but was told that even if my tailbone was broken I would just have to stay off of it and wait for it to heal. It was two months and a few chiropractor visits before I stopped having pain while leaning over a camera while working. He threw a frying pan at my livingroom wall. He called my little sweet dog a piece of and made him squeal once. He said that I was weak and didn't talk loud enough and that he needs a strong woman. He told me that I'm not hot.

The thing is that he has parties and seems to have a girlfriend now, and I'm shy and still alone. It's hard for me to walk to the garage and see someone's car in his extra space. I ran into them twice, and it was uncomfortable. I wonder if this was all really my problem. He seems to be with someone else, maybe I was too depressed and weak and not hot enough. Maybe I'm the one with the problem. Also, he was on medication during all of this, and seems to function at work, although he does blow up at people a lot. If someone is on medication do they still have symptoms, or did I just bring this out in him?

If anyone has any advice for me, I'd appreciate it.

• bipolar relationships

Comment #33 someone (76.89.255.60) -

I forgot to mention that he once admitted himself into a hospital for depression and because he was suicidal after a breakup with a girlfriend. When he told me that in the beginning I knew nothing about bipolar, and didn't want to be judgemental about his past. I have had some depression, but I have also had a very hard life. I can also easily be joyful. I just get lonley and want to connect with people, but have learned not to based on my experiences with people. My childhood wasn't safe. Now I seem to be alone a lot, which is safe but kind of still and a little sad. That's it. Thanks for reading.

• bipolar relationships

Comment #34 tina (64.8.162.65) -

my sister has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. she is very hard to live with. she has been in and out of state hospitals, foster homes, and treatment centers since she was 9 years old. right now she feels like she is all alone and nobody cares. i think foster care is a great thing (i have been in foster care for three years because of an abusive step dad) but when a child can't connect with anybody and feels like nobody cares, how far can she go? she has rapid mood swings and when shes low, shes low. she is not that easy to live with but now she is losing hope on ever having somebody to stick with her because soo many foster homes have given up on her.

Comment #35 alsdjlf (67.160.26.121) -

I am bipolar and I am not ashamed of it. It's really like, like 4:30 am and I don't want to sleep. lalalala.

I don't like the mood swings. They are annoying. I like being happy. I don't like being sad.

It's fun to be manic. hahaha

I laugh at lots of things. I think about lots of things. I like talking.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

Bipolar people just usually overanalyse everything. The best thing to do is just to let them be free to do whatever. Respect them, and don't put them in a cage. Believe me, I know. Then they will be more happy. Think about it! All of the "sexual permisquity" is probably stemmed from a lack of "freedom." This is what I believe.

So I advise to just treat them with respect, and freedom.

Comment #36 Rhonda from California -

I wish I would have found this place before, but ole well I didn't. I have been married 13 years to a man who was only diagnosed with BiPolar Disorder a few years ago, but I know now that he had it all his life. His mother told me of incidences that he had as a child. I have never had to ride such a rollercoaster ride. Three years ago, I left my husband it came down to me or him and I chose me.I was depressed and sad all the time. He degraded me and put me down one minute and the next wanted to have sex or was nice to me.He thinks he has no problem, therefore refuses to take medication. He says that medication is for weak people. Well I tried in the time we were seperated to be understanding. I even was willing to handle his stepping out with other women..girls whichever he preferred to be with at the time. Bu he also wanted me to be with him to. And when I would get upset because he was seeing other women. He would just tell me that I left and he can do whatever he wants, which is true, but he can't have both. That's what I am saying. Anyway, all this has made me question everything about myself. He does nothing but tell me what a lousy wife I was and that I did nothing right. I always walked on eggshells. I loved him and wanted to stand by him, no matter the cost. I have never had someone be so mean to me in my life. I recently decided that enough was enough and this is not easy for me at all. So I am filing for divorce. Now that has made hm more angry at me and he is telling me he is oing to bring other women to my place of employment. I know this is just to hurt me. I really don't understand what I did. I have been acused of being with other men. he even made up this outlandish affair in his head that i supposedly had with a friend of mine. N truth to it what's so ever. But he belives it whole heartedly. once again I am depressed. I miss him very much and still love him very much, but I can't take the mental abuse anymore. It's killing my spirit. I guess I wanted to hear I did the right thing, but I feel I let him down. I know once I file fro divorce he will never speak to me again and that hurts me so bad. Anyway I am glad that i found this place. It helps to be here. Thanks for listening

Comment #37 Andrew (168.156.89.154) -

I am happy to have found this site as well. I have been with a girl who is bipolar for about 6 months, and although it hurts, I have to do what is best for me. I know that feeling of letting her down, and feeling like if I really love her this is something that I can figure out how to get control of and simply need to be more understanding. But when it comes down to it, you need to do what is best for yourself. I want to be there for her, but I was a happier person before I meet her! If you can honestly say to yourself that you were a happier person before being taken on an emotional roller-coaster (that is extremely hard to detach yourself from)you need to do whats best for yourself! I can't go my whole life feeling like I have to tip-toe around, and be overly-conscious of every tiny thing I do. I try to tell myself to fight for her, and hope it will get better, but I just don't believe that is so. I have never ever clicked with a girl the way I do her, but I know that this disorder will pull me down to low in the long run. Is love worth depression? Because when your emotions are that attached to someone who is bipolar, you will become depressed!Hearing about how much every little day to day thing sucks so bad simply kills my spirits and I can't keep that in my life. I feel so terrible for bailing and I can't imagine how hard it would be to live with this disorder. But I still have the choice not to commit to living with this disorder and I need to pull out. Good luck and I have so much admiration for someone who's love is strong enough to pull them through this. But i care about myself more than a lifetime of servitude..

Comment #38 Tony (170.220.2.13) -

Good lord, thanks for this sight. I have had a really rough time with a girl i loved very much... and now realizing that all of the hurt is from her being bi-polar. We met 2 years ago and the first 6 months blossomed into this fairy tale romance I thought i would never have. She loved me very much, said and did the nicest things anyone ever has to me in my life. After 6 months she started randomly stone walling me bith physically and emotionally. She would get really cold and neutral, then avoid me all together. But at the same time would be out drinking with male co-workers. One day she would be cooking me dinner and be real sweet, the next day she would be drinking with male co-workers and not answering my calls. It all made me hurt, uncomfortable, and suspicious. She would always convince me she wasn't cheating, and my discomfort with her attitude and actions was all in my head. It finally got to the point where I would go to find her at the bar with her male co-workers rubbing her leg, or sitting alone in a booth with their arm around her... and she still denied cheating. All of this really made me depressed and i had to do my best to walk away. She pleaded for me back for a while, but I always kept a safe distance.

Then last month I ran into her and a new boyfriend. After that she started calling and texting with the same intense love and flattery... and how this new guy meant nothing and only wanted me. I missed her and gave in, she then stone walled me and went back to him. It really opened up a lot of wounds I let heal over the last 6 months, and have been pretty shattered. I was never able to understand how someone could be so sweet, kind and loving, then turn and do such hurtful things without any remorse or regret. She does not want to admitt having a problem. But I have to make sure i don't give onto her charm once again only to get spit out and hurt. I feel like a fool, but when you love someone, and they become someone else... its hard.

Comment #39 Ben (64.105.66.107) -

Dr. Doug

I am an 18 yearold boy who resently fell in love with this girl. she and me right from the start just seemed to click. we loved eachother and couldnt stand being away from eachother. but then one day i noticed that she started to want to cut herself and smoke and drink. i told her not to do that stuff. then she said that she wanted to sneek out of her house just for the adrenlin. well the next day she and me got into the smallest fight but it ended with her sending every single thing that i have given her back to me. now my heart is breaking and i dont understand quit whats going on. her mother told me that she does not have bi-polar but i just dont understand how one minute she can be the girl of my dreams, saying she loves me and will never ever leave me to litterly 10 minutes later, saying its over.

no matter what i say to her she wont come back to me. please doctor, give me some advise.

Comment #40 Charlotte (195.93.21.129) -

I am 18, i have bi polar, i've been in a relatonship with the girl of my dreams for nearly 4 months now...reading all of your comments has made me worry...i sure hope i don't turn out to be like some of the people in the relatoinships mentioned above. I want to help myself more, so that i don't get worse but it's hard to know what to do really.

Comment #41 Jane Doe from Illinois -

My boyfriend was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I didn't know much about the disease until he was diagnoses with it, but after I found out I read a lot about it. We have been together for three and a half years and I just found out he has bipolar personality disorder. Strangely, it came as a very big shock, but upon reflection I realize that many of the storms in our relationship were due to the disorder and its repercussions.

This was only compounded by my lack of self esteem and my desire to please whomever I am in a relationship with. He would accuse me of cheating one moment and become insanely jealous and possessive, then the next moment be sweet as hell to me. It was a constant rollercoaster and I gave into him because I didn't know if I could do any better. The reason he was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder is because he went home to visit his family in Chicago after just graduating college with two degrees. From what I have read about people with bipolar disorders, their manic states are often triggered by great accomplishments or disappointments. He was very proud of graduating and had worked very hard to do so. Chicago is about six hours away from where I live so we communicated by phone. After only a few days of being there he was hospitalized for a severe manic episode in which he heard voices, hallucinated and said things about being "the chosen one". He was hospitalized for about five days but was then allowed to come home with medication (an anti-psychotic and something to help with his insomnia). His doctor said he will have to take the anti-psychotic for two years.

I am at a very weird place right now. This whole thing has put a lot into perspective. I feel for those people who have bipolar disorder but I also feel for those who love them. It is not easy to care about someone who has bipolar disorder, I, for one, feel like I am constantly giving and getting nothing substantial back in return. Unfortunately, I also feel that if I were to leave him he would not be able to find someone else to love him and might go into another manic episode because of the disappointment. This is not my responsiblity, but this is how I feel. I am also worried that I would be very depressed for a while and would not be able to find someone that makes me feel the way he does when things are going well and he is relatively even-tempered.

This is tragic because there is nothing to be learned here except that not only does he need help, but that I need to get help for allowing someone to treat me so unfairly for so long. Regardless of his illness, I do not deserve to be treated the way he has treated me for so long. This may sound cruel, but perhaps this is a Darwinian way of weeding out the people with defective minds - he will end up alone with no one to take care of him because of his emotional abuse and will not procreate.

Comment #42 waxonwaxoff from nyc -

hello, this is my first post on this site. I am dating and i nlove with a bi-polar girl. the first few months were mayhem and now things have calmed down. I care for her deeply and want to spend my life with her. She has anxiety issues also and becomes overwhelemed. She is on medication and I have hopes that she can be as stable as possible. The thing is that her meing bi polar makes the relationship bi polar. I am going to do a lot of praying and we will see what happens. It is not her fault and I want to do my best to help when she becomes depressed. I am willing to do whatever it takes, I just have to feel safe and I have my own insecurities as well. And normaly I was never like that until I met her. I guess I can just take it one day at a time. Can anyone recomend any literature I can read? I dont want to hear about horror stories, I just wants to hear solution driven tactics that work.

Comment #43 Reshma B (80.168.133.18) -

I have recently been told Ihave the bi-polar desease. Im on Medication for it but feel like my world is crumbling all around me. I cry as I write this, I have a beautiful little boy who is going to be 4 this july and a wonderful husband, for sometime I have known that I was not well, but carried on with my life the best I could, getting myself into work and trying to support the family but I feel like I can't go on anymore, I try to put on a brave face, but inside Its killing me, I can't cope with my head, it keeps telling me different things, sometimes are good other times i only think about death, but i don't know anymore, I can't leave my little boy he deserves to have a mummy, and my husband, I reckon he'll be ok After a while, but what do I do.

Comment #44 Brammy from Backend, GA -

Thank you all Soooo Much for sharing your experiences. I recently got out of a relationship with a bipolar man. He was so loving that I KNEW this was the man that I needed to spend the rest of my life with. That is until the roller coaster ride began. I know that he loved me as much as he could. Knowing his disease, I was as patient and loving and found patience that I never knew I possessed.

It is scary seeing my experiences with the emotional abuse and alcoholism posted here by other people. I thought that if I could just love him enough, I could get him through it. Now I know that there would never be enough love even though he was medicated. He even admitted that he has alienated every relationship that he has ever been involved in.

I believe he will be back at some time but your experiences have let me know that the door on this hell should be closed with finality. I have a teen aged son and will not buy him a ticket on this fun house ride. As a parent it is my job to protect him. Even so, I miss the love and tenderness that was shared when it was good. I just have to convince myself that with the good, the bad will always come.

Again thank all of you, life is too precioous to waste it.

Comment #45 Dan from Cleveland, OH -

Hello Everyone....

I stumbled accross this site on a random Google search, and it's amazing to hear all the stories that mirror your own. I am currently going through my own little "hell" and feel like this is the best place to express it.

My girlfriend, of almost 3 years, whom i've lived with for 2 has left our apartment, abandoned her friends, and is spiraling out of control. For the last six months, I have noticed a strange detachment, a different look in her eyes, and have spent every waking hour trying to think back on all the things i've done wrong. It was not until today, that the cold hard truth blasted me right between the eyes.

My girlfriend (or now technically ex - 24yo) is a charasmatic, beautiful, fun loving girl with a huge heart. However, she has a list of baggage (emotional) longer than the average amusement park line. When she was 17, she was quickly diagnosed bi-polar after her fathers tragic suicide, and was placed in a mental health facility for a few days. She also carries a feeling of responsibility for his death.

She believed the diagnosis was false as it was made at a time of an emotional breakdown, I bought into this theory. As time went on, our relationship got harder. She drinks, quite a bit and at times would not call to let me know where she was, would stay out till all hours of the night, and turn into a different person when drinking. There were too many times to count where I would have to hunt her down in a bar somewhere, she would threaten to pick up and leave to fly out of state with no plan, weird un-explainable things.

She has already been the victim of a D.U.I - Twice...however has no rational thinking when it comes to this and continues to drink and drive even while running the risk of jail, license suspsnsion, rehab etc. These were all red flags. Her lack of interest in sex, constant up and down moodswings, feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, etc began to raise quite a concern with me. But as all people in my situation do, I LOVE this girl and would give her the sun moon and stars if I could. This is where the problem lays.

I have been living in our apartment alone for the last month and a half or so. We got into a fight, I asked her to leave. I've made attempts after the smoke cleared to work it out with her however she insists on living a life of negativity and claims she is a worthless loser, and i'm too good for her. She has been going out drinking till last call 4-5 nights a week, doing drugs, hanging out with people with a terrible influence on her, and has shut the people who truely care about her completely out of her life. This hurts so much. I know that these feelings are derived from her disorder as she has all the potential in the world but these constant mood swings effect her thought process, and actions 110%.

It's amazing what this disorder does to a normally stable person. For the most part in our relationship, she would be completely fine but after a period of time I could see these highs and lows coming a couple days in advance. That's when I knew something was happening here that was completely out of my control.

So to all the people out there, involved with a bi-polar partner I sympathize. It will be your decisions to stay in or get out but know that it will ALWAYS be a long hard rollercoaster ride of a relationship. Don't blame yourself for the failure of your relationship, but don't blame them either. There is a beast your dealing with unlike anything the normal human brain can comprehend. In my opinion, this is a sad, very tragic disorder that effects amazing people without their knowledge. Be patient, do whatever you can to help but do whats best for you first. In the end, that will be all that counts.

If anyone out there is in a similar position, don't ignore it. You can feel free to email me to talk about it or ask any questions. My biggest and best quality is the desire to help people. I've learned a lot from this scenario and would love to help others who's hearts are suffering from this.

Best Wishes

Dan

Comment #46 Brammy from Backend, GA -

Reshma, dont give up. As much dispair as you now feel trust that those around you really DO love you, no matter wha t your head is telling you. Go to your Psych doctor and let him know the meds aren't working. You are right, you kid deserves his parent. Do you really want to saddle hijm with thinking he wasn't good enough for his mom to hang around?

I know its hard for you to feel it. Maybe your doctor could put you in a situation to monitor your progress with the medication until it takes effect. Sometimes it takes time.

Comment #47 Mandy (64.181.29.2) -

Hello everyone,

I came across this website while searching medications to help my boyfriend who was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Many situations I am hearing are so similar to what I am going through. I understand that he is the one that is the vicitim of this horrible disorder, but my heart is breaking. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years, and I love him very much. He has always been hyper, outgoing, cheerful, bubbly, sweet, just in all a wonderful person. About a month ago, he was unable to sleep, very irratable, having trouble at work, crying some, fast heart rate, etc. We decided he needed to go to the doctor because he had been put on a variety of medications, including Cymbalta. He had a panic attick or anxiety attack one day, then two days later had hallucinations. He thought that his grandpa who he was close to and had past away was in his body controlling his actions. Though my boyfriend believed in God at his "normal" state, he was never that religious. All of a sudden, that morning, he thinks he was saved and talked to God and Jesus and his grandpa. He was hospitalized two days after, because me or his family could not get him to go. Of course, he was in a manic episode. He was hospitalized for about 6 days. The doctor said he may forget the hallucinations. It's been close to a month and he has not. This is very discouraging. If he felt that they were real, but could still understand they were hallucinations, I could understand. He is on Sarequil at the moment, and it knocks him out. But I understand he needs it now, and the good thing is, he does too. But I have so many emotions going on right now, I'm worried about him, there are times when I feel so helpless because nothing I do will make him happy. Because after coming out of the hospital, he is still irratable. His thought process has slowed down according to him. But some of the big decisions he was talking about during the manic episode he still is thinking of them. Like going back to school for a different job, getting a tatoo, moving, and buying a new car. I know all of these aren't completely irrational, but after this episode I am worried. His family thinks they are supportive, but they aren't. None of them are convinced he has this disorder, and may say things like "well, going back to school wouldn't be bad", or something of that nature, when I feel that is not the point. The point is he just down from a manic state and these may not be choices he really wants. Not to be selfish but I want my boyfriend back. He's here at times, but sometimes he's not. Silly me, I thought after the manic episode things would be the same. He realizes he is irratable with me, but it is still so mentally exhausting. I love him and miss him. I am trying to do what I can for him. But along with worrying about him and our relationship, I feel somewhat guilty. After evaluating this whole thing, I can see it. I can see that he was actually manic for like two weeks before his hallucinations. The times we went to the doctor for his heart and stuff, I feel so bad, but I know I couldn't have known and try not to beat myself up. One day we are going along talking about marriage and then the next I am just hoping our relationship will last and that we can get through this. He is a wonderful person and does not deserve this. I hope I am strong enough to do this. But right now I am so sad and worried. Thanks for listening.

Comment #48 LM (66.201.18.240) -

I am engaged to a man that is Bipolar and has been since he was 7 or 8 yrs old. He had a very bad childhood which does take a toll on his life today. He is on probation now going on for 6yrs and he went to tell his probation officer about his where abouts and he did not know that he had a warrant out for him so the Sheriff was called and they arrested him and he had a Dr.s letter saying it wouldn't be a good thing to put him in jail, but they still went ahead and did so. His probation officer did tell me that everything will be fine and he should be out this coming Thursday but this is his 3rd time not telling his P.O. his where abouts he tells me. What should or could I do to help him? He has been on his Medication and they do help him very much. We are inseparable and now that he is in jail I'm scared to death about him not knowing if he is alright or even getting his meds. HeLp!! I can't afford a Lawyer neither can he, but I want him out and back home w/me and my daughter, I can't live w/out him!! He supports us as we are very supportive towards him. Somebody Please help me out....

Comment #49 emma (207.200.116.11) -

totally unreal, this illness of bipolar manic depression -- be it 2 or 1. and the often-accompanying verdict of schizophrenia. the dearest man i ever knew when well, diagnosed with mental illness for over 30 years, when WELL is all to happy to discuss his diagnosis and meds. NOT the problems that led to the verdict, but the verdict.

when NOT well -- when in the midst of episodes -- which end as abruptly as they begin -- he says he is NOT sick and DOES NOT NEED HELP. the episodes always begin approximately one month after his having awakened one morning to decide he's not going to take his meds any more.

his cycles are regular, like clockwork. he gets on a set of meds, gets a state-funded psychiatrist and counselor. he sees the counselor approximately one month and stops. he continues his meds approximately 14 months from starting date. then the only thing i can figure is that at the 14-month mark, it's just too much. too good to be true. too normal.

he stops.

one month later he is packing his bags and gone.

this time he's been gone over a year to date. in that year, i faced "i love you / i hate you, " and silences of over 2 months in duration. the daughter he went to stay with died of cancer in december 2007. he told me he was coming home in the following weeks and then wrote my best friend to tell her he was going back to his ex-wife, which he did not.

in a few months, he wrote me e-mails i ignored. this, he said, made him feel like a fool. little by little, he was back in communication and coming home was set for 17 june, following his grandson's graduation from high school.

next was the phone call of severe abdominal pain. this resulted in appendectomy -- emergency due to burst appendix, pancreatitis, and finally endoscopy showing stomach cancer.

all was well until that fateful day he told me i must be patient. sweetly and non-threateningly, i said, "darling, waiting for you for over a year, i felt i had learned a wee bit of patience." and never admonishing, "sweetheart, please enjoy your family, " to which was responded how much i was putting him in stress.

he is surrounded by 3 remaining daughters and an exwife that he distanced all thru his life of these episodes. i feel this is good for all of them to mend fences. i am now the outsider without even a chance to look in because...

03 july he called me following his second set of tests to determine the extent of his stomach cancer and the prognosis. told me results would be in the following week. then came two more loving calls, an e-card for 4 july -- still loving. 45 minutes later, if that, a dear jane letter telling me never to contact him or any other family member and he would let everyone know it was over between us.

six years of love and devotion to this incredibly ill individual leaves one less than empty. nearly a vacuum.

my best to anyone dealing in any way with bipolar and/or schizoprenia diagnoses.

Comment #50 Kay's Mum (216.41.237.2) -

COMMENT TWO - KELLY

What I gather from your post...is this...your son is showing signs of depression...and justifibly so...I would encourage therapy for him...and an antidepressent to get through this period of his life...

It will be very important to share with the doctor that Bipolar does run in the family...because there are certain meds that can make manias real bad...if indeed your son should develop BP...

He no doubt carries the gene as he is offspring of a BP parent...often it takes a traumatic event to trigger it...as is what happened to my daughter...and your son's dad's demise...at his own hands...would certainly be traumatic for anyone...

Comment #51 Sally O from Florida -

Does anyone have any advice on how to help someone get out of a relationship with a bi-polar partner? I have a 20 year-old daughter who has been involved in a relationship since last August with a 21-year-old young man who is bi-polar (diagnosed and treating with meds) Everything that I have read about the disorder seems to describe him. He is intelligent, creative, very needy, deceitful, insecure, in need of constant attention, jealous, constantly flirts online with other girls and tries to hook up with them. He and my daughter routinely break up about once a month. Here is the problem. From what I can see, she is either obsessed with him or addicted to the drama or both. What can I do to help her see that this relationship is a road to unhappiness and/or get over her obsession with him and/or addiction to drama? I believe that she truly cares for this young man, but like most parents, I want to see her in a healthy, stable relationship. I just don't see it happening here. Any input would be appreciated.

Comment #52 Ali (75.68.57.104) -

I'm 19 and was diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder two years ago. I feel hopeless. I drive everyone I love away. Maybe it's just not worth waiting for. I'm not on medication but I don't want to talk to my parents about it. I'll end up destroying the boy I love most because I'm too embarrassed.

Comment #53 boss (192.251.125.85) -

my husband is bipolar and has gotten violent with me how likely is it for me and my 2 mouth old child that we meaning both our families think that he mitt have an issue with even though he said he doesn’t to be able to go back home and not have to worry about the violence anymore if gets on his med and gets counseling

Comment #54 Linds (65.24.116.219) -

So, this is a slightly depressing site to read for a bipolar person looking for a stable relationship. That's all we want--stability. We know we hurt people occasionally, and we feel terrible about it. We're out of control at times, and then we can be the most romantic, happiest person you've ever met.

I have two suggestions, though. First, when your bipolar person is in a mixed state (this is when the irritability and rage comes out), just leave them alone for a bit. Trust me, their skin is crawling, and they're just itching to explode. Don't let them explode on you by remaining calm, acknowledging the rage, and then remove yourself (or children, if involved) from the situation for a bit. Also, and I know this must be difficult, don't take it personally. You cannot argue with rage. You just have to get away from it, and then try to talk to your partner later, when he or she is more stable. Second, remember that this is a phase, and it will pass. It's guaranteed to pass! That's the disease. So, try your best to remember the good times...that will help get through the bad times.

Lastly, you also can't attribute all of the problems to bipolar disorder. Their are effective treatments for this illness. And, if your partner refuses to get help, then, no, there's not much you can do about it. But keep trying before you just give up. We are not all terrible people--we're sick, and we need help.

Compassion is key. And while sometimes it's too much to take, I understand that, but ranting and raving won't help anyone. We're all sufferers here--both the partners and the bipolars. Let's try working together to end the stigma of this disease and to seek help, rather than continuing to hurt those we love.

Peace,

Linds

Comment #55 Aube (63.86.23.37) -

I should have looked for a message board like this while I was still in my relationship. It could have helped. After reading most of these messages, it made me better understand what I went through. It was horrible (still is).

I met my girlfriend at work, a movie store. We both worked there. She was 25 and I was 28. Not only was she pretty. But she was a happy person, very goofy at times, and that's what attracted me to her. At the time she was still living with her ex, along with his family, but she wasn't involved with him at all. He was more of a roomate at the time, until she moved out to live with her mom in July. Even though she wasn't involved with him, he would constantly fight with her and place restrictions. She couldn't go out or stay out late past a certain time. If she did, he'd threatened to kick her out on the street. Because of this, I stepped in and convinced her to move in with me, even though we had only been seeing other for about 2 weeks. She agreed to, and that's when everything seemed to go uphill. The first month was great, but when it reached the second month she became very moody. She went off her meds, and things got bad. It got to the point where it seemed like I was walking on egg shells with every word and action I made. Because of this, I went through a lot of ups and downs myself. The happy person I knew, myself, became very depressed with the way things were going. I always thought it was me not her, for some reason. She made me think this way. I'm a very emotional person, and she would take advantage of this by ridiculing me. Not to mention, she was always saying pessimistic things about our relationship. That it wasn't going to last. Then she'd make me cry, and shrug it off. She'd sit there with no emotion whatsoever. She was like a cold-hearted person with no conscience. Day to day it was a mix. She'd be mean to me, then totally nice the next minute/day. It was extrememly tough to deal with.

But then it got even more complicated. A month and a half later, she became pregnant. I was so happy to hear the news when she visited me at work. I was going to be a father! I was so happy. Two days later, we went shopping for maternity clothes, some baby stuff. Then, 2 days later she leaves me and goes back to live with her ex. That destroyed me. Anyway, I was really depressed after this happened. I couldn't handle it, so I quit the job I worked at. Too many memories to deal with, and it wasn't good for my mental health. Then almost two weeks later, she comes to my house. We patched things up, and I convinced her to move in with me again. This time was going to work out. Atleast I thought so. We rearranged a room together. I bought a crib for the baby. She bought a queen sized bed and a plasma tv. Things looked like they were going to stay solid for the both of us. The first week into it was perfect. We cuddled, said we loved each other. Talked about our baby, and the things we were going to do as a family. Unfortunately, the following week went bad. I'm still confused because I did everything for her, and it still wasn't enough. She started spending more time hanging out, going out to eat with my mother than with me. She would get very annoyed being around me, and she wouldn't let me touch or kiss her at all. She wouldn't even let me place my own hand on her belly. I told my mother about the situation, and how I was feeling down about it. Well, I guess she decided to do something about it, and talked it over with my girlfriend. That wasn't a good idea. She then confronted me, and told me to not talk to my mom about us. I decided to watch tv, because she wanted to get on the internet (which is in another room). About an hour later, she returned to the room, and told me she couldn't handle it anymore. Pretty much, she sucker punched me by telling me she was moving out again. She didn't tell me where to, but I found out that she moved back in with her ex. This was last thursday, so this wound is still fresh. I've been keeping contact with her through email. And today, we scheduled to meet to move the rest of her stuff out.

I love her, and it's going to be very difficult seeing her after a week since she last moved out. You see, I really want us to be a family, and raise the baby together. But she suddenly seems to have no feelings for me. It's like she just forgot she loved me. I'm tired and frustrated. I'm completely lost. I decided not to convince her, or beg her to come back to me. I'm just going to let her decide for herself.. whether she wants to be with me or not. Only time will tell, I guess. But it hurts a lot since my child is involved in this mess.

Comment #56 Sally (76.232.3.240) - Wed Sep 10 19:18:18 2008

HI I'm 24 years old, but I've been Bipolar for three years, although only diagnosed a year ago. This is my recovery period since all my doctors forcefully informed me that I would have to take a year off from my Bachelors in Psychology and my work with developmentally dissabled young adults. Alas my malfunctioning brain and medication kept me a blubbering vegetable for six months on the couch. The good news is that for the first time I feel like I am slowly remerging into the real world. I got back together with my ex, on and off for 3yrs so he knew me at the begining, then the crazy dangerous mania, and my present qausi-stable emotional streangth My episodes dont even play into our realationship. But it bothers me that he doesnt take my illness seriously. A typical (not often) fight: we just went to the movies, He askes if I wanted ICE cream. I said, no I'm full and he just blew up, saying I was lazy with no job or school and that I was holding him back, all I know is I am not going to sit by and be called a Bipolar Bitch! Does anyone think he might be bipolar too?

Comment #57 Sarah (91.105.60.151) - Sun Sep 14 13:15:42 2008

I have recently split from a bipolar sufferer - although he only told me towards the end that he had bipolar. I absolutely love him and if he had been honest and open would've tried any strategy to make the relationship work. I am pregnant and frankly I am devastated by it all, I am finding it so hard to understand the extreme mood swings, strange behaviour, the lying, backtracking and how someone can claim to love you and then hurt you so badly. I feel so responsible and do not know how I will ever make sense of it. I am carrying out as much research as possible into the condition but if anyone has any suggestions for how I proceed with my life and maintaining a friendship with the father of my child(who may now be returning to a former lover he slated - this also hurts me terribly) I would be very grateful. I also have concerns about his visitation rights with the child and how to help them have a positive relationship in the future.

Comment #58 joepatricks (78.148.41.236) - Tue Sep 16 15:53:19 2008

I've an ex girlfriend whos a great friend who is bi polar and has been for years when shes well and taking meds she's fine then she stops...or the mania will start with some grandioso idea about setting up business, the last time she sold cheap jewellery she bought off the net and ran up a debt of almost £3000..the business usually takes over till it gets too much and she flips..turns nasty not wanting anyone around accusing them of moving things connection with the masons etc., etc., . Usually I get her right by getting her to take her meds but this time no. She always complains about meds putting weight on her and then she says she doesn't need them no more. She has been sectioned at hospital and after a month still nasty and irrational in conversation. Think she's not on usual meds coz I know I can get her right within a fortnight if she took the meds she has at home. Just hoping the psychaitrist knows whats going on on the stuff she says to me which she might not say to them, setting alarm bells off to them shes not thinking "correctly". Just have to wait and hope for an improvement in her condition as due to privacy laws and me not been next of kin they wont tell you anything or discuss her case. Do feel I know better than psychaitrist with her as I know what meds work on her having been through this time and again over 20 years.

Comment #59 jenn (24.184.109.152) - Sat Sep 20 15:18:09 2008

hi i figured i would tell my story and see what people think. My boyfriend is 21 and he was diagnosed with bipolar when he was very young he is on medication which is the best thing for him he takes in twice a day every day. i have a few problems when it comes to his ups and downs. when he is up he acts alot better then everyone else. when he is down he is a mess. i feel liek he drinks very accesively and the money spending is very excessive. he drinks everyday and for soem reason can consume alot of alchohol as in a very abnormal amount. i feel his ups and downs come out more when u drinks. if he was not on his medication i would not know what would happen i love him very much and care for him. in the beginning of our relationship i saw it alot more but i think i'm used to it there are times when i get very frustrated buit i just have no realize its ok i also would liek to know does the bipolar disorder be inherited into my children?

Comment #60 Anonymous (192.251.125.85) - Sat Sep 20 16:40:24 2008

As a reply to Jenn: I believe that bipolar can be inherited because my fiance is bipolar and his grandmother is as well. I agree that there can be a lot of money issues and that there can also be a lot of alcohol issues. I know that when my fiance goes through his bad time, he drinks a lot more to self medicate. He takes prescribed medication twice a day but when he is really in the mood to drink, he will skip a dose. This makes him drink a lot more than normal. When he is on the medication he drinks normal, however off he can consume more than any person I have seen in my life. This is not a good thing and he realizes that when he is on his medication, however he also gets to a really high point and doesn't think he needs it anymore. My best advice for when there are low points are to remember the good times and know that they will come back to you as Linds said above. Her comment really helped me over the past few weeks because he has been going through "his bad period." It is slowly getting better, but it seems to happen every year at the same time, so I know this isn't the last time I will see it. I do love him. He won't talk to me in his bad period, so I just have to remind him that I love him and I'm not going anywhere. I let him know that when he is ready to talk, I will be there and then we just do our separate things. It is really hard to do, but it gets you through it until the period breaks.

Comment #61 jenn (24.184.109.152) - Sun Sep 21 14:07:55 2008

thanks for the advice. i was just wondering i looked at the comments before that people have written and they say that bipolar people tend to cheat do you believe that is true?

Comment #62 Anonymous (192.251.125.85) - Sun Sep 21 19:35:33 2008

Jenn, yes I do believe that this is true. My fiance has cheated on me once when we first started dating. He recently was going through his bad period as I said before and this time was starting to show the signs of it again. Now that he is starting to come around I have talked to him about it and he explained to me that he just becomes very insecure and wants to push me away before he thinks I will push him away. He told me he didn't cheat over the last little bit, but he wanted to act like he was going to so I would leave and he wouldn't have to be the one getting hurt if I chose to do something before he did. From the statements I have seen from others on here I believe that this insecurity is very much a part of the disorder. I have also had many talks with his grandmother who is also bipolar and she says the same thing about the insecurity. A lot of times the things that he does during his bad periods is really hard to swallow, but just remember that they will get out of it and if they really love you they will think twice before they act too far. I don't suggest trying to talk to them or asking them if they cheated while they are in the manic state. This just makes them more angry. Just remind them that you love them and hopefully that will be enough to keep them away from going too far. He told me that even though at the time he didn't want to hear it (that I loved him) he was glad I kept telling him that because that made him constantly think about me. He also said that it helped I didn't try to talk to him because then he could think about me and what he wanted to do instead of causing a fight and thinking about how mad he was at me and wanting to "get even." I hope that this helps and like I said just wait til they get out of the bad period and then try to talk to them. My fiance's mom has told me as well that no one will blame me if I can't handle it anymore. Sometimes it seems like it will be too much to handle. You need to remember that to. Everyone knows what he is like and knows how far he can probably push people. No one will blame you if you can't handle it and need to get out.

Comment #63 Anonymous (192.251.125.85) - Sun Sep 21 20:28:14 2008

Here is another good article that you can read. It is written by a bipolar sufferer and it is called "Spouses of Bipolar Sufferers...the other half." This is a very encouraging article. Here is the link:

• www.concernedcounseling.com/communities/bipolar/related/support_019.asp

Comment #64 Nick (71.238.249.157) - Tue Sep 23 20:48:03 2008

I sympathize with you all. I just lost a close friend who was bipolar. She was an incredible person and someone I admired very much. I had the most wonderful times with her and today I just went to her memorial and learned she was bipolar.

I don't understand the treatments but it obviously involves heavy medications. Stay away from ILLICIT drugs that are not prescribed by your doctor.

R.I.P. KT

Comment #65 Anonymous (192.251.125.85) - Fri Sep 26 18:48:45 2008

Nick,

My sympathies to you and your friend's family. I do understand how it can get to this point though. Living with bipolar is a very hard thing to do and I have been dealing with it with my fiance for a long time now. The good times are great and the bad times can be horrible. Again, my deepest sympathies and I wish you guys all the best of luck!!

Comment #66 Sharlene (75.154.118.80) - Thu Oct 2 18:20:20 2008

Hello,

I have been living with my bipolar husband for 14 years. I was the person who talked him into getting help and medicated. He has always taken his medication, in the past many years. He has changed medications several times. I have seen his moods go up and down several times, he has always been very needy and needed a lot of attention. Well, I found out a couple of months ago he had been contacting and old girlfriend over facebook who is married as well. They were talking innappropriately and very dirty. My daughters heard them talking about sex etc. on the phone when I was not around. He told me he was going on some fishing trip and I found out he made up the whole story and went to visit her. When he came back and I told him to stop lying about the fishing trip, he said he did not want to be with me, did not love me for a long time. He hung around for a while and I could see he was depressed so I took him to the hospital to have his medications monitored. When I went to the hospital to visit him, I seen he was talking to this girl on his cell phone. I told him I was taking the phone. He flipped out and told me to get out and never come back. He called me the next day and told me to drop off his car and he was getting out of the hospital the next day. He was manipulating the doctor saying he was okay so he could get out of there. He hated it and it was boring and crazy. So, he got out and took of to stay with this girl's mother in another province. He called me and told me he still does not want to be with me and he does not love me, but he says now that he is on new medication he has his head on straight.He also told me he had been lying for years about what he was doing and where he was going etc.

Anyhow, I have been with this person for 14 years. I have been with him through all of his pain and ups and downs. I helped him find his birth family, I helped him go back to school finish his high school diploma, go to college become and EMT and a fire fighter. I worked 2 jobs so that he could do all of this. I have done everything I could possibly do for him. Even when he said he was leaving and did not love me, I took him to the hospital and sat by his side for 8 hours until he was admitted into the hospital.

I need to know, is this normal? Is this part of bipolar disorder or is this just his selfishness? I loved him unconditionally and he cannot even look at me. He talks to me as if he cannot stand me. Almost as if he hates me. He said I was too controlling and did not let him do what he wanted. He has never thanked me for all that I have done or is not sorry for breaking up our family. He has no remorse. I have to kids who are so confused. I am confused. He seemed to love me so much at one time, until he started talking to the girl and her family. CAn you give me some insight about this? I need to have some closure so I can get on with life and I cannot get it from him? Will he ever be sorry for what he has done?

Thank you so much

Shar

Comment #67 Sarah (91.107.165.226) - Sat Oct 4 11:03:05 2008

Shar,

Further to my post above and in response to yours....this sounds so familiar to me....although my partner and I were not together for fourteen years, we were very close and I loved him utterly, going out of my way to help him and do things for him(rarely returned I have to add). For a long time it was a magical relationship, I did feel loved although I was aware of some inconsistencies in his behaviour....he spoke of marriage, children, a long term commitment and finally finding what he had been looking for in me. When he changed towards me(after I became pregnant), it was horrendous, I am a very soft hearted woman and the pain he has caused me...he has said the most appalling things to me and to his friends about me, he lied to me and turned to an ex girlfriend - claiming he had always been in love with her and they should be together - it was as if the love that we shared had never existed. I could not initially believe that this was even the same person I had been sharing my home with. He treated me with such coldness and almost hatred, belittling me and leading me to question my own behaviour - wondering if I had provoked him or caused him to hate me by my actions. Then I began to research bipolar after he finally told me about it, I have spoken to a relative of a bipolar sufferer and I am starting to realise that this is not a singular experience and that these are typical behaviours for many sufferers...while that does not make it any easier to accept or ease the pain of losing him, I am gaining a greater understanding of the condition and learning not to blame myself. As for your partner being sorry, I am sure that he is...he probably feels tremendous guilt and perhaps that is why he is unable to face you....I hope this helps and you manage to move on as I am trying to do(near impossible when he is the father of my child and I love him so dearly.

Comment #68 sharlene (75.154.118.80) - Mon Oct 6 13:55:21 2008

Sarah,

Thank you for your story. This sounds a lot like my relatonship. Although, I am not as understanding as you. I dealt with this for 14 years and I have had enough.

I will not forgive him. I will be civil for my children because it is thier father. So far, he rarely contacts his kids, everything is about him and how he feels and what he wants and he is verbally abusive to me whenever he calls. I am so tired of hearing about him being bipolar. Isn't some of this a choice?

Shar

Comment #69 cecelia (207.179.101.101) - Tue Oct 7 14:07:01 2008

I think I might have known someone who was bipolar. I think he had it and knew and didn't tell me for his own (valid, I'm sure) reasons.

I don't want to go into the gory details, but everything that I've been reading online and on message boards fits. I think he may have been medicated, because he certainly wasn't violent, but I honestly did not spend that much time around him, so there might have been other signs that I did not see. But, I saw enough to make me think he was ill: the irrational anger, the paranoia, the erratic behavior...and the euphoria, the destructive stuff, the impulsive stuff...Easily hurt, needing a lot of reassurance, depressed, insecure...it all fits. Boy, could he hold a grudge. I inadvertently hurt his feelings when we hung out -- just through a personality trait that I have (shyness) -- and he could never let it go. Even after I explained myself, he was still pissed.

He said hurtful things to me and when I got angry at him for it, he blamed me and talked about how he was being persecuted by everyone he knew. Then I spent all this time apologizing profusely to him and trying to rationalize with him. Nope. He never wanted to speak to me again. Then he started talking to me again. Then he suddenly told me he didn't want to speak to me anymore, and some other stuff, and then when I confronted him about it, he said he didn't remember. I honestly believe he didn't remember sending that email. There was a suicide threat. It was ugly. It made me nuts.

I was too dumb to see the signs and I reacted very, very badly. When it was all over, I said, "Oh, he's just a psycho" and I put it behind me and didn't think about it anymore. But, I started thinking about him again recently and I went online to see if there was anything that matched his symptoms, and I found bipolar. I care about this person and I don't want him to hurt himself. I don't want to talk to him because we haven't spoken in six years and I don't want to dredge all of this up and upset him. He is exactly what you describe: good-looking, intelligent, charming, funny, interesting, sweet, kind, creative, etc. but he has this dark side. It is like I saw the angel and I saw the devil.

I'm no doctor, but I think that he has this and I feel regret that I was so awful to him. But maybe it's better that I didn't know because I probably would have enabled him and told him it was OK to treat me like . I was a very stupid little girl six years ago and I would have reacted one of two ways: enabled him and told him he could walk all over me, or I would have gotten insanely mad. I got insanely mad. I wish him well and I hope that he is well and can lead a normal life. I don't want him to be sick, but I think I have found out the truth now and I totally forgive him and wish that things hadn't turned out the way they did. I have a really sweet boyfriend now, so it's not like I want this guy again or something, but I hope that he has found a nice girl who is able to handle his illness effectively. He is very sweet and very deserving of that. I just feel regret that things turned out so badly between us.

My mom has schizophrenia and bipolar and she had some issues about two years after stuff happened with this dude, and I didn't put it together at the time, but I now see the same things in her that I saw in him. Her mood changes; she becomes a different person. It's not their fault, but still, it hurts...I know now that when a person with MI lashes out at you, the thing to do is to walk away.

If I see him, I don't know if I should talk to him or not. My instinct says no because of the ickyness.

Comment #70 dancerwriter (72.75.57.203) - Sun Oct 12 17:46:11 2008

HI. I didn't know that often abuse went hand in hand with bipolar. is it common for someone to leave you and act like they never really cared during the beginnings/rumblings of a manic phase?

if the answer is yes, can someone who is bipolar tell me if they miss the person they left at all, or is it out of sight, out of mind? do you miss them when the manic phase is over?

please help me understand.

thanks.

Comment #71 Sasha (24.8.148.239) - Sun Oct 12 23:20:40 2008

Hey,

I am wondering if I have bi-polar. I have violent mood swings but they do not last for more than a week typically. I will get so depressed that I can become suicidal and catatonic and lie in one place shaking and crying for hours, while sometimes i get so nerotic that i have panic attacks or go out running for hours with no shoes on in the cold. When it gets really bad, i will sometimes hear other parts of me in my head ridiculing me or comforting me and then i will snap and everything will be better again and I am cheerful, almost like i had not been suffering for the last week... i feel like the emotion is still there, but completely seperated from me. I manage with school and am on my last semester of college. I am 22 and i have a sweet boy friend that i am beginning to drive crazy with my innappropriate reactions towards situations. Like when I am left alone past 8pm i either go catatonic with sadness or wander around the streets emotionally dead for hours. Other random things like that... just over reacting to stupid stuff... and i am extremely rational most of the time. I dont understand these things and i have seen docs and they have said bipolar... but everything tells me that the duration of the ups and downs are too small... and to go from being 100% depressed to completely normal in a matter of minutes.... that just doesn't really make sense does it?

Comment #72 Saz (121.219.124.199) - Sat Oct 18 17:51:06 2008

Hi.

I am looking for help with working out if I have bipolar or a personality disorder. I am 17. I have very violent mood swings, going from overly hyper and happy to suddenly reserved and quiet. I had a LOT of bullying when I was younger, which ended in the separation and losing of friends, and rumours spread which were the opposite of who I was. My whole life fell apart, and during that time, I went from bad to worse. I'd feel up one day, and down the next.

Now, I am in year 11, and I still have the violent mood swings. I ended up liking this guy who I found out has bipolar, and a lot of things happened. He said he liked me a lot and wanted to date me, but then suddenly (in about 2 days) went and got a girlfriend. After that, I was very depressed/suicidal, and didn't eat much for a number of weeks, or when I did, I ate little and felt extremely sick afterwards.

I've looked into bipolar a lot, and I have found a lot of the symptoms are very similar to mine. I am not sure what I should do about it, and whether I should see a professional. I know I possibly have anxiety and I have very high stress levels.

Please help.

Saz

Comment #73 Sarah (91.105.50.40) - Thu Oct 30 12:05:49 2008

Just an update on my situation....my ex has been continually in contact with me since my last post...sending loving emails and texts....I thought he may have had time to calm down and be coming round to the idea of the baby....I was actuallyuwondering if we could find ways to deal with the bipolar and try again for the sake of our child....now I find out he is actually planning to get back with his ex...I am out of my mind with worry...our baby is due very soon and I know I can't rely on him to help me in any way....I don't even know if I can trust him with the baby...any advice would be welcome.

Comment #74 DG (69.124.127.209) - Sat Nov 1 21:30:50 2008

I am 31 years old and live in a suburb of new york city. I just recently finished in a short term relationship with someone who is bipolar and suppositly dual diagnosis with drug addiction. In the beginning I met this attractive girl who had something about her that I liked. The girl started out in a stalking way to try to get my attention. I then met her one night and she said she was in a abusive relationship and wanted a new life. She even incinuated about dating each other. I noticed though that she would say things sometimes that i didn't know was true or not. Alot of lying came into the picture and after awhile of being involved with her she went back to her ex boyfriend and really hurt me. After that she begged me not to cut her off , that she was sorry and she didn't want me to loose trust in her. I then thought after going out and being with her that I would give her a second chance. We then got more intimate and spent almost every night together. we even planned a nice night out in the city and we were going to stay at a hotel together. the signs were there that she liked me, but something just wasn't right with her. the night of the date she texted me and said when are we going tonight.after that she broke the date and went back to her ex again. at this point i had it. i didn't talk to her in weeks while she attempted to get me back again. after a couple of texes i decided to stay away. after a week i got several even up to 40 harassing phone calls and i had to change my phone number. i haven't heard from her since i changed the number. what are the calls all about when she is with her ex. what is she thinking. i know it was her doing it. now the calls have stopped. please someone who knows about this let me know what you think. dg

Comment #75 Sandhya (94.122.101.47) - Mon Nov 3 04:56:48 2008

Hello DG,

I've just ended a relationship with a bipolar about a week ago. Our relationship lasted in 9 months. We broke up nearly 7-8 times. Turn back to each other with a very passionate way. But scenarios are all the same with excuses. After 3 days same acts happen; physical and verbal abuse.

If the bipolar u are with uses alcohol, drugs or weed, the effects of the medicine they use (lithium) to stabilize their moods will not work. A