'My Husband has filed for Divorce'

Comment #24 sammy (63.176.159.75) -

does anybody have any suggestions on how i can get help for bipolar disorder?

Comment #25 natasha (63.176.159.14) -

it sounds to me like your husband is battling more than bipolar or depression. It sounds like he has some inner personal issues that he needs to deal with. did you to try and go to counceling together and try and work things out, or did you try the power of prayer? It sounds like you both need to sit down and talk to one another and figure things out, like I am sure he does not want to get divorced, it just seems like he doesnt know what he wants. Id say you both need professional help.

Comment #26 Carrie (63.176.159.214) -

Can hypnotism be used as solution to these bipolar problems? You're partners might be just confused of the thing going around with there lives. My advised is get away for a while and observe if there would be changes. Send them to a retreat house or a facility might be a good idea too.

Comment #27 Lisa (63.176.159.98) -

Even if hypnotism can't be used to solve the core problems of biopolar, maybe it would be successful in helping the patients take their medications regularly!

Comment #28 Dan (63.176.159.142) -

I would try going to as many counsling sessions as possible with him before the actual seperation hs began.

Comment #29 Shannon (63.176.159.207) -

I don't know what I would do if I were in any one of these situations but I agree with Dan counseling may help.

Comment #30 Aaron (63.176.159.1) -

Bipolar is something that is serious. It effects your everyday life, and also effects many loved ones around you. It is not something that can be let go, or that will go away. If you think you have bipolar or if you know you do, the only thing to do is to take medication, and maybe get some counseling. It does not mean your crazy, it just means you care about your self, and you also care about your loved ones.

Comment #31 Cindy (63.176.159.160) -

How would you, yourself, know if you had bipolar? do you just go from being fine, and happy to mad and unhappy? What are the other signs of having bipolar? I think I might have it a little bit, but nothing like I would leave my family, and take all of our money or anything, but sometimes I do go from being happy and think my life is perfect, to being mad and stressed out, and irratated.

Comment #32 Net Scourge (63.176.159.214) -

This is according to helpguide.org

Signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder

The symptoms of bipolar disorder vary widely from person to person, with unpredictable differences in their pattern, severity, and frequency. Some people are more prone to either mania or depression, while others alternate equally between the two types of episodes. Some have frequent mood disruptions, while others experience only a few over a lifetime.

The four types of mood episodes (Mania, Hypomania, Depression, Mixed episode) each has a unique set of symptoms.

• bipolar symptoms

Comment #33 Marriane (63.176.159.221) -

Here are ways on how one can cope with Bipolar disorder:

A. Enjoy the Process

Conquering your symptoms is going to take years. In fact, it will take the rest of your life if you want to be the best person you can be. So you might as well be easy on yourself, keep your expectations low, and get a good laugh whenever you mess up. You're already a good person, or you wouldn't be reading this. You're just trying to frost the cake.

B. Use Your Positive Traits To Conquer the Negative Ones

You, a bipolar, have the potential to develop all sorts of positive traits (see Chapter 5a) to a greater extent than other people. So for heaven's sake develop some of them and use them. Find creative ways to calm yourself down when you're manic or hypomanic. Use your sense of humor, your guts, your inner strength, whatever you've got.

A positive trait I'm sure bipolars have that hasn't been researched yet is mental flexibility. We seem to be better at changing habit patterns and personality traits than most people are.

C. You Can't Conquer A Symptom Until You Know You Have It

• willigocrazy.org/Ch06a1.htm

Comment #34 lEA (75.118.27.232) -

I was reading some of letters concerning bi polar, it's essential that the person gets treated and stays on their meds, not only

can the bi polar person be dangerous to themselves but to other

people.

I was in a marriage for about 17 years, and husband was and not

treated, I was beaten, he had an affair, and chased me out of

my own home with 1 child was his and the other wasnt'

To this day, he tells people things that aren't true about me

for instance, told my daughter that I had an abortion, totally

not true. Told people I ran his business to the ground, not true, he did that all by himself.

While married to him, I came home from work and he dressed up like

a woman, and asked how I liked the other side of him?

Affairs, leaving not telling me where he was going, staying away

week ends, not paying bills, I had to get a job, and told him

to pay the taxes with the money that I was making, and he never

ever did.

He now after 10 years, and I am happily remarried, is still

saying bad things about me, and I have a hard time finding work because he knows alot of people in high profile in the area,

he totally ruined my life, and I haven't done anything, because

it would cost alot of money to sue him, my current husband and I

are just going to leave the state with no forwarding address.

Comment #35 cwemoy (63.176.159.238) -

It seems to me that mental illnesses have thin line in their classifications. What in essence is the bipolar disease all about and how does it stand out from schizophrenia, psychosis, paranoia and so on?

I have my qualms about you crying foul about your husband's alleged behavior. Are you sure he is to blame for everything that is going on? It is clear to the whole world that it is an abusive marriage. It your decision that will matter after all is said and done.

Comment #36 Jeffrey (63.176.159.68) -

Hi! Lot´s of good stuff here. Lots of sad stuff too. I get some idea that there a lot of schizophrenia and paranoia mixed in a lot of these cases. My personal experience was withsomeone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. These cases are real beauties! You find yourself living with someone who just doesn´t give a dam! All is owed and nothing is forthcoming. I am sorry for all this destruction that mental illness causes. In my case I just divorced - she has never asked me why!- and just walked away. Never made a better decision. Love to all.

• Personality disorders

Comment #37 Err (63.176.159.240) -

To those who are in the bridge of confusion and doubt i have here some facts (and myths) about BPD:

Myth: People with bipolar disorder can’t get better or lead a normal life.

Fact: Many people with bipolar disorder have successful careers, happy family lives, and satisfying relationships. Living with bipolar disorder is challenging. But with treatment, healthy coping skills, and a solid support system, you can live fully while managing your symptoms.

Myth: People with bipolar disorder swing back and forth between mania and depression.

Fact: Some people alternate between extreme episodes of mania and depression, but most are depressed more often than they are manic. Mania may also be so mild that it goes unrecognized. People with bipolar disorder can also go for long stretches without symptoms.

MYTH: Bipolar disorder only affects mood.

Fact: Bipolar disorder also affects your energy level, judgment, memory, concentration, appetite, sleep patterns, sex drive, and self-esteem. Additionally, bipolar disorder has been linked to anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems such as diabetes, heart disease, migraines, and high blood pressure.

MYTH: Aside from taking medication, there is nothing you can do to control bipolar disorder.

Fact: While medication is the foundation of bipolar disorder treatment, therapy and self-help strategies also play important roles. You can help control your symptoms by exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, eating right, monitoring your moods, keeping stress to a minimum, and surrounding yourself with supportive people.

• helpguide.org/mental/bipolar_disorder_symptoms_treatment.htm

Comment #38 pale_o (63.176.159.154) -

Dude, that definition is not exhaustive at all..how do you justify that only the people with that condition do not lead a normal life? Life is what you make it to be and the path you choose often leads into the very same effects you breed.

Many marriages are falling apart nowadays and I cannot help but wonder about what is left for thr next generation. It is normal to spot one pary struggling to file a divorce yet the other is struggling to hold on.

If you have not considered splitting your accounts, do so now!

Comment #39 Isaac (63.176.159.105) -

The rise of bipolar marriages alone is at a very alarming rate. It is quite saddening to read some of the stories being highlighted here. Depression issues are really major and do cost a family unit a whole load of time and money.

I think it is necessary to really consult yourself and come with a solution that will make things easier for everyone. It could be that you do not want to consider divorce because of what it will predispose you to.

Comment #40 Kira (63.176.159.38) -

To the original poster, i think you should end up everything and cut the connections between you and your stupid husband. He is useless, he will just make you pennyless if you don't make a move on it. Let the divorce papers free you.

I hate hearing stories like this, love always have ways on making us heal but it comes in two way package. If your partner is not cooperating and is too dumb to see your effort then go out of the relationship, if you love him and feels like you can't live without him, then just do the same, love him in distance. That is all that you can do aside from letting him hurt you and bankrupt your account.

Comment #41 Cha Cha (63.176.159.190) -

Sometimes the simplest word to think but the hardest one to do is to "understand".. if you are really in love with your husband then you must or atleast can understand him, in this time of his need.

If i were in your position i think i would have to let him realize how much i love him and how much i would love to help him get through the situation..

Comment #42 Anderson (63.176.159.17) -

You vowed that you will be together through thick and thin and til death do you part right? Oh, sorry you are not from the country who value marriages, the United states. Why I was able to say so, it is because of this "divorce" you have in your system and just at how one blink toward the opposite sex could trigger to person's to get marriage. If you have been careful enough you might have avoided ending up with a deranged husband. That is why courting and going through the "getting to know state" is all about.

Comment #43 Tinky (63.176.159.74) -

I think that your spouse needs some time. But i have to agree that sometimes, before we be able to love others, we must first love our selves. This is not an act of selfishness, it is very important that we save some pride to our self. No matter how hard it is, sometimes the answer is 'goodbye'.

Comment #44 James (38.114.210.251) -

"Advice on dealing with a bipolar wife"

My wife and I married when we were 30 and 37, respectively, about three years ago. She possesses so many admirable qualities -- high intelligence, intellectual curiosity, creativity, and has put herself through law school and cultivated a moderately successful legal practice. At the time we married, she had already been diagnosed with bipolar disorder type II, a fact she did not conceal from me.

She diligently takes her anticonvulsant and antidepressant medications and, unlike many bipolar sufferers, has never wavered in her commitment to following rigorously the advice of her psychiatrist. However, in the last year or so, our marriage has deteriorated steadily and markedly. She has suffered bouts of depression, which her doctor has tried to address by changing the cocktail of meds prescribed to her. She was never very domestic to begin with, but now she almost never cooks, cleans, or buys groceries. I do those things myself (we both work full-time). She is extremely untidy, but I've hired a maid to clean the house once a week in an effort to mitigate the depressing effect this uncleanliness has on my own peace of mind.

In the last nine months, she's been spending increasing time with a bipolar support group. At first, I observed that she almost returned from their weekly meetings having drunk a couple of glasses of wine. Now, as our marital problems have deepened, the weekly meetings have been supplemented by Saturday parties and other outings, and when she comes home from these, I can tell she's been drinking. She used to drink more when she was younger, but in the first two years of our marriage, she mostly kept to a healthy regimen of an occasional glass of wine with dinner; there were occasions when she drank too much, but these were few and far between. What I'm getting at is that, inexplicably, these bipolar meetings are having a deleterious effect on her mental health. One would assume that bipolar sufferers are at least rational enough to understand that alcohol and bipolar (not to mention bipolar meds) are a bad combination. Instead, they act as her enablers.

I'm now 40 (this is my first marriage), and I've expressed repeatedly to her my desire to have children. Not only has she always maintained that she wanted to have children, but she has even mentioned the number -- three. She's even told me that were it not for having children, she might not have gotten married at all. Yet every time I bring up the issue of starting a family, she has expressed reasons why we should wait. These reasons range from the absurd -- "I don't want to grow up" and "the house lacks enough rooms" (in fact, it has three large bedrooms) -- to the more credible (she fears losing the security blanket of her meds during pregnancy).

I'm finding it harder to go on like this. I love my wife and know that the mental anguish of bipolar disorder can be worse than any physical pain, but I wanted more out of life than her pet rabbit and teddy bears. Maybe that's selfish; maybe I should take it like a man, but I never thought that wanting to have children was selfish.

I'm really at wit's end. We've already broached the topic of divorce, something neither one of us would ever have thought possible. Sometimes divorce seems inevitable, and yet I wonder whether there's anything -- and if so, what -- I've left untried.

Please advise.

Comment #45 Tina (63.176.159.51) -

I can feel your pain and i feel sad about the situation you are into. Even though i wish that your wife to see all the efforts you exerts, i think it would be no use.

As you had said, she is suffering from a disease. And you know what, it is not unselfish that you wish to have a child, it is a part of a family life, but your wife is not ready, in all aspect, most particularly her emotional stability.

Comment #46 Rhomdel (63.176.159.174) -

My advice to those who have spouse that have a bipolar disorder is to seek help not just for you partner but also one for you.

What your partner need is some intense understanding and support from you as only person that should understand the most. Times will be tougher as time goes by with your situations. You two must not give up. You could also try marriage counseling if you want.

Comment #47 Ivy Lyn (63.176.159.197) -

My husband has filed for divorce. Well actually I am not shocked at all since we are not living in that good condition anymore, because of my sickness. I am not able to bear a child. And when he found out about it seems that his love towards me just disappeared, maybe because he wants us to have a child. I feel bad but I think he deserves to have someone who can give him a child.

Comment #48 Shali (193.218.114.5) -

That is sad Ivy Lyn, but do not blame all of that to yourself. If your husband really loves you then he could have understand your situation. Besides, if ever you cannot bear a child you can still adopt a child and be a mother. It does not matter if the baby came from your body or not. It is being a mother that counts, right? So do not let those thoughts bug you.

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