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Living in hellThis forum post has messages dated from 11/19/11 through 03/12/12, please be sure to read all the messages. If you feel it is old or outdated, please follow up with a question or comment and someone may be able to update it, or reply with newer information if you have it. - Bipolar Disorder
| Living in hell I read some of the comments posted I was diagnosed with Bipolar I ±18 months ago To be honest always knew something wasnt right but wrote it off as a personality trait Yet it still shocked me when I was diagnosed I feel that there isnt a man alive that would want me. I know the disorder affects what you think feel&do. Its hard because u have no control over it Yes u can take your medication but my best friends depression and mania come& visit often Especially depression Ive been depressed for +10 months gained a lot of weight was down in the dumps and didnt want to be there felt guilty not being able to pull myself out I started reading living with bipolar slowly made lists 1st change meds 2nd paint nails start wearing make up etc The change of meds flipped me into mania I knew it but didn't address it I love being manic feeling as if u are on top of the world much better than feeling depressed BUT I behave irresponsible and risked a lot ending up testing positive with the HPV virus losing my best friend in the process being accused of being a .This person I become is not me its not who I want to be. People say they understand they are there for you BUT they don't try living with the guilt of knowing you are hurting your loved ones and more so yourself and not being able to stop this speeding train. I struggle to merge who I am with who I become. I've closed myself off from having a healthy relationship because I am scared. After receiving the news of testing positive with the HPV virus I saw no future. I was ready to commit suicide. The only thing holding me back is the fear of what it would do to my parents and who am I to decide? If God created me there must be a reason for me being here even though I don't want to be. Just remember it may be hard on the people around us who live with us, but its just as hard for us living with the guilt of being like this not being able to snap out of it not being able to change living on meds that only sometimes work. Waking up every morning and working harder than anybody else to get through the day. Surviving the day. I am not one for pity parties but a mental illness by a lot of people aren't accepted or understood and I get tired of putting on a brave face. I didn't ask for this. Living for me sometimes feel like hell and I am working towards my heaven. :'( |
| "Living in hell"
Life always goes on for everyone...But some times patience can pay off, just have to know where to balance it...Try to enjoy this short time, i can also reffer you a success history may be it can reduce your frustration ...... Check the below linkfreedombusinessblog.com / nathan_success_story |
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